The Great White Adventures of a Truly Single Mom

niche

2011-01-22T18:48:00.000-08:00

Shrek said, "Ogre's are like onions, they have layers." Complicated and stinky layers! So I'm going to say that I am like an Ogre sans the stinky part! To truly understand me, you'd have to understand each layer. You'd have to understand that I've never felt truly loved, that I have two of the most un-nurturing parents on the face of the earth. Not saying they don't love me, just that they aren't Leave it to Beaver kind of parents at all. You'd have to understand that I want nothing more than to be loved, nurtured, and cared for by friends and family. You'd have to understand that my feelings get hurt very easily, that I'm loyal, and am most hurt when I feel betrayed. That I lash out and push away when my feelings are hurt. That's just a couple of layers, there's a lot more to me. If you get to know me and peel away those layers you'll find one of the biggest hearts.

With all of that said...

I had dinner with three of my closest friends ever. Three that I had quit being friends with for about a year, over a year. They remained friends and life continued without me and of course it did, I totally get that. Where I was once very much apart of that core group, now I felt like a newby just hanging out for the first time. I know that things can't go back to the way they were over night.

I guess I'm trying to find my niche. A place that I belong. I've felt so un-apart of anything for a while now. I don't have friends that I've hung out with since those group of girls. I've missed them and that friendship that we shared. I think maybe those group of girls are my soul mates as far as friends go. I guess we'll see...only time will tell. I wanted to go to Florida but I feel like I don't belong there at all. If I went I'd have no one but my grandparents. I can't lean on them for support because I wouldn't want to burden them or stress them out.

It's weird right now. I don't feel that I can just jump back in like nothing ever happened and be like ok guys lets party down woooohoooo! While I've known two of them for ions and the other one for a few years, a whole year has gone by, more than a year.

I just need my niche back or a niche that fits me well...

Christmas Pictures

2010-12-31T19:58:00.000-08:00

Take 1...

Take 2...

Take 3...

There were actually more than 3 takes...but you get the picture!!!

How do Moms with no help do it?

2010-12-22T14:16:00.000-08:00

I'm laying in bed watching Sex and the City 2. It's been a rather rough 24 hours that I would rather forget, due to a stomach virus, I'm finally starting to feel better so I put on a movie I've been meaning to watch.

Charlotte and Miranda sit down to have some cocktails and discuss how hard it is being a mom. They even admit truths that every mom thinks at one point or another but never admits. Charlotte starts talking about how her youngest always cries night and day and then this is said:

Charlotte: "How do the moms who have no help do it?"
Miranda: "I have no fucking idea."

Guess what, I have no idea how I'm doing it either! I really think people are very inconsiderate, especially people with no children! It's easy to make assumptions and form opinions about parenting when you have no children. Throw children into the picture and it's a whole new ball game. Even just 2 years ago I thought my perfect, respectful, most well behaved 10 year old would glide through puberty with no trouble. Then he turned 11 and the testosterone poured in from a never ending source. While he did eventually level out I'm still dealing with a bunch of attitude and defiance. What happens when your little boy grows up and at the age of 12 is bigger than his mom? Well I can tell you that no spanking in the world is going to help. And it really doesn't help that his dad tells him that he doesn't have to listen to me and tells him to just leave the house.

I struggle with what is right and what is wrong. I question everything I do as a parent, knowing that what I do now is shaping the person he will be as well as the parent he will one day be. I try to hold my standards high and make him work and do chores every day. Then there are those that want to say I'm too hard on him and tell me that he's just being a boy his age. Well what if I continue to let him just be a boy? He's already tried telling me what he is and isn't going to do at the age of 12. If I allow that then I will allow him to make the rules. And he is only going to get bigger and older and one day I will find that everything is out of control. I remember my mom telling me that she hoped I had one just like me. Well I didn't have a daughter...but to the people with no children who judge and try to tell me what I am doing wrong, I don't want to wish a horrible child on you, but God help you if you end up with one. I think it's safe to say that being a parent is by far the toughest job on the face of this earth.

I have certainly been a different parent with Cade than I was with Kai. I didn't make Kai do a single thing when he was little...and now I have a walking slob! I'm trying to correct that now, but I learned my lesson on that one! So I do make Cade pick up after himself. I raised Kai and learned what works and what doesn't work...or what are and aren't good ideas. So I get to do things differently with Cade...and if I ever have another then I think things will be even more different than they are now. We learn by doing and if you have never parented, while you think you may know a thing or two, you really have no clue!

If someone with a full time nanny can cry and talk about how tough parenting is...then me as a single mom is certainly allowed to cry...but you don't see me doing that! As hard as it is, you'll never see me crying in a corner!

My Dad gave me some advice right after Kai was born. He said everyone is going to have an opinion on how to raise your child. He told me to nod my head and smile and ignore it and do what I want to do. And that is what I have always done! I've mastered the art of nodding and smiling while putting a persons opinion, advice, and/or ignorance in the trash bin in my brain. Apparently people like you better when you have no opinions yourself and you just totally agree with theirs!

I have no fucking idea how I do it! I'm entering the adolescent territory and putting on a brave face and a strong show of force...but under it all I'm scared to death!

Kai's 6th grade band demo

2010-11-05T02:57:00.000-07:00

Kai had a demonstration band concert. It was just the sixth grade and a kind of show and tell of what and how they are learning to play. So here are some very short video clips from the demonstration.

Now fortunately for me video 7 corrupted and doesn't work! Because Mr. Lopez the band director said okay now we are going to play hot cross buns. So the students picked up their instruments like they were going to play and then stopped and handed the parent sitting next to them (ie ME!) their instrument. I had my camera ready to record Kai when all of this happened and Kai said, hand me the camera, I'm going to record you now! So Mr. Lopez announced that the students had 5 minutes to teach their parent how to play the song. Well, I learned the notes, there were only three with that particular song, but I have NEVER played an instrument in my life...well there was the recorder in 5th grade...but I'm not so much a baritone kind of girl! I guess I did ok, but that video didn't record! something happened and it disappeared and not as a result of something I did!

After the concert I took Kai out to dinner at Red Robins. We haven't had an mommy and me time in a while...I don't think Kai would like me to say mommy and me time! But the last couple of weeks, since Cade's surgery, and his hospital stay because he was dehydrated, well it's been all Cade all day, every day! But Cade is finally better, definitely feeling the best he's felt in the last two weeks since his surgery. So I didn't feel so bad leaving him behind with his dad while I treated Kai to dinner and an ice cream sundae.

Call me Mud!

2010-10-09T20:07:00.001-07:00

I posted on Facebook the other day that I was upset with myself because I had done something so stupid that I didn't want to own up to it. Of course someone asked me if I reconnected, so to speak, with my ex-husband. Thankfully no, that was not the case.

So let me back up to the beginning of the story. Thursday Cade had his appointment with the ENT in Wilmington. So I was in Wilmington for most of the afternoon/evening. Let me take a moment to add, when did the traffic in Wilmington get so bad? So after Cade's appointment I decided to stop at a store that sells gluten free food. I was there for a while perusing the selection of food they had. After leaving that store I went to Target to see if they had an orange sweater for my Velma costume. SCORE! They did! By the time I did all that and fought traffic, I realized that I was not going to be home by 6:30.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays Kai stays after school to practice with his instrument and then he goes to a friends house. Him and his friend go to soccer practice and I usually get him about 6:30.

So I called the friends mom to let her know that I was going to be late. I arrived at the friends house a little before 7:30. It just so happens that she is related to a person that I have known since I was about 17. He was best friends with my ex-husband. So I started talking to him and catching up since it has been a long time since I have seen him. I had left my car running because I hadn't planned on staying, but now that I was chatting I asked Kai to go turn my car off. Kai came back in the house with the keys. About 30 minutes later I decided it was time to head home, I walked outside to discover that the headlights to my car were left on. I said something to Kai about it, that he shouldn't leave headlights on. I explained to him that leaving the lights on could kill the battery. So I get in and crank the engine and my battery was dead! So I'm pretty sure Kai now knows that I was telling the truth and not just telling him a fib in order to keep him from doing something. Like when I tell him that his eyeballs are going to fall out of his head if he doesn't take his contacts out at night! lol
So I got a jump and went home. When I arrived home I decided that I better leave my car running for a little while to make sure the battery was good and charged. I didn't want to get up the next morning and have no transportation.
The next morning I got up early to do a workout. After my work out I got Kai up and told him to take the dogs out. I got into the shower. As I am showering Kai comes into the bathroom and says, "Hey Mom, did you know your car is still running?" I immediately freaked out! I said no, is it still running, Kai said YES! I yelled at him to get it turned off! All I could think is that it's got to be nearly out of gas. I mean it ran from about 8 pm until about 6 am the next morning. So after I got out of the shower I had Kai go see how much gas was left. I had just filled up my tank in Wilmington the day before. Thankfully it had only blown through about half a tank. That still upset me though, I was so mad that I forgot the car was running and now a bunch of gas that isn't exactly cheap had been wasted.

Who forgets that their car is running and doesn't realize it until their son tells them the next morning???? Apparently ME! And I would totally think that someone was stupid if they forgot and left their car running all night. Just call me Mud!

I don't think anyone else is going to say, oh that happened to me once...Cause this kind of thing can't possibly happen all the time!

Narcissism

2010-10-02T14:51:00.000-07:00

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder defined as "a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy."
The narcissist is described as being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power, and prestige. Narcissistic personality disorder is closely linked to self-centeredness.

I was in a relationship that was a bit too much on the controlled side of things. It took me a long time to get out of that relationship. Now that I am out of that relationship there is no way in hell that I will ever allow another person to exert any amount of power over me again.

I don't brag about things. There are probably a lot of things I could brag about, but I don't. I don't need to have admiration from people. Not to mention I believe that if you are truly good and strive to do the best you can, then no bragging is needed because you will be noticed. Sometimes maybe not by the head honchos of the world, but definitely by the right people. And the right people are the most important people anyway.

I am a very open person, I'm starting to think too open based on recent events. With that being said, as open as I might be, it is not an invitation to butt into my life. It is not an invitation to question me.

And when I try to separate myself from the situation, it does not make me negative nor does it make me rude. It makes me a person who is not willing to allow myself to be a victim. It makes me someone who can stand on their own two feet and stop what they don't like. It makes me a person who chooses to exercise my right of freedom in this country that so many are dying to protect.

I let things go and go and go until I've had enough. I give chance after chance hoping the person will just stop. But once I've had enough then I must simply put a stop to what has been going on. Even if that means not answering phone calls or texts. Because that is truly the only way to stop a behavior, by not feeding into it. Kind of like training a dog, we don't reward bad behavior. Instead we take measures to stop the behavior.

Unfortunately some people don't get it. They can't step back from the situation and review their actions and see a problem. Unfortunately those people have a screw loose some where and have no clue about what boundaries are.

Middle School Eve...

2010-08-24T19:20:00.000-07:00

Kai starts Middle School tomorrow...and I have been so emotional about it...I became sick to my stomach when I looked at the school supply list...I held tears in all night long, until I got in the shower, lol, I felt silly to be crying about it...

Kai is my first of course. I remember I couldn't wait for him to roll over...and then I couldn't wait for him to crawl and then to walk..and I couldn't wait for him to start talking...I surely couldn't wait for him to be potty trained...and then to start sports...I could hardly wait for all of it!

Fast forward 12 years and 9 miscarriages and then Cade...

Here I am staring at a boy who is already taller than me, who is on the verge of becoming a man...I feel like I rushed him through life...I don't know that I taught him everything I was supposed to...I don't know if he has fond memories from when he was little...

And middle school, I don't know, it seems like the end of innocence...I remember going into sixth grade and reading on the bathroom walls where girls had called other girls not so nice names...like whore and hoe and any other name you could imagine...And for the life of me I had no idea what a whore or a hoe was...until I asked and was informed of their meaning...I said my first cuss word in sixth grade...Oh geez I had my first kiss in 7th grade...technically Kai should be going into the 7th grade...And nowadays kids know a lot more than they used to at younger ages...So it's the end of innocence...

And through these 12 years and 9 miscarriages I've learned a thing or two...like not rushing Cade to do anything...partly because I learned from Kai that once they are mobile and especially walking, they get into EVERYTHING...but mostly because I wanted to savor every second of Cade just being young...

I feel like I have this semi-man and then I have this little 2 year old...and I'm wishing my semi-man could age backwards back to two...I want to turn back time to savor the moments with Kai, but at the same time I don't want to because then I wouldn't have Cade...I just want them both little...I remember Kai clinging to me when he was little and I couldn't tell you the last time he sat in my lap, obviously it's been a while! But I don't think I knew the last time would be the last time...

And yeah it means I'm getting old and time is the one absolute thing you can never get back...Here I am almost 31 years old and I'm not having a midlife crisis, just analyzing everything way too intently!

A sociopath is someone who has no emotions what so ever, they fake emotions usually in order to fit in...I am the extreme opposite of a sociopath, I feel EVERYTHING, I have sympathy, empathy, compassion, guilt and even shame to the extreme...When I get like this, sometimes I wish I could not feel, kind of like a sociopath...

Maybe I'm emotional because Toy Story 3 made me cry! Andy grew up and went to college...Kai is growing up and going into Middle School...

'some days...

2010-08-10T18:13:00.001-07:00

5 Pounds!

2010-08-07T17:14:00.000-07:00

Well it's about time I got back to the true reason for this blog! My adventures as a single mom! And what better way to do that then the story I am about to tell!

I am sick today. I'm not sure with what, but I will tell you I have a fever and a headache and I feel horrible! So I was laying on the couch watching a movie. I had asked Kai to keep Cade occupied so that I might have a bit of peace since I felt so horrible. Kai and Cade were in Kai's room along with their cousin Noah watching tv. Or so I thought!

Kai comes walking into the kitchen and says mom is that baby powder all over the floor. I look over at him and I said I don't know, I can't see. He was standing there with this odd look on his face, expecting me to jump up and react. I was not in a hurry to drag myself away from the couch. Slowly but surely I did. As I was walking from the big couch to the kitchen I notice that my love seat and ottoman combo were dusted in a white powder. Dusted in a way that would look as if a small person such as Cade had climbed on the couch and was covered in something that was obviously left behind. So as I turn the corner and walk into the kitchen I took in a deep breath, a gasp if you will, at the site before my eyes.

There was a white powder spread all over the right side of my kitchen, in front of the island and along one side in front of the refrigerator. Not just spread, but thick clumps of it. I could not figure out what on earth Cade managed to get a hold of. Then I realized it was flour. Now what is most perplexing is how he got it out of the Tupperware container it was in. I had left the flour in the bag and just slipped the bag into a Tupperware brand canister specifically meant for flour. Tupperware is known for it's tight seal and it does take a bit of force to get that lid off. But some how Cade managed to removed the lid and dump 5 pounds of flour over a large area.

So I'm standing there, with a headache, pretty mad at the two year old who has now caused me to drag my butt off the couch, realizing I was going to have to clean that mess up! Kai said, "what did you do that for Cade?" and I tell Kai, "because he is two and wasn't being supervised!" I later realized that Kai had turned on the Xbox instead of watching a movie and so Cade grew bored and wondered into the kitchen and ultimately into the pantry on an apparent exploration.

So Kai grabbed the broom and I grabbed the dust pan and a hand held broom. Kai swept it into a large pile and used the dust pan to shovel it into the trash can. My floor now has to be mopped, but that can wait because now my headache is worse! I must add that the cat is covered in flour as well, I can only imagine that Cade some how is responsible for that...and there are white foot prints around the kitchen floor from the cat...sigh

And that is why a two year should never be left unattended! Of course I was in the next room and didn't hear a thing...he was very quiet! But when mommy is sick I guess it happens!

UPDATE: I found out today (08/09/10) that I had/have mono, no wonder I didn't feel good!

SHARK WEEK!!!

2010-08-03T18:13:00.000-07:00

I'm sure people have figured out I have a thing for sharks. Especially Great Whites. And it's SHARK WEEK!!!! So in honor of SHARK WEEK here are some interesting facts:

SHARK WEEK first aired on July 27, 1987

A Great White Shark was once kept in an aquarium for a few days, but it became disoriented, continually hitting its nose against the glass, so it had to be released into the sea.

Great White Sharks breed late in life. They do not start breeding until they’re at least twenty years old.

More than 70 percent of known victims of Great White Shark Attacks survive because the shark realizes it has made a mistake and doesn’t finish off the prey.

Great White Shark meat is not recommended for human consumption because it has very high mercury levels.

No one has ever witnessed Great White Sharks mate.

A Long Way Still To Go...

2010-07-29T18:12:00.000-07:00

Someone said something to me today...She said I've come a long way...

Cade as everyone knows was a preemie. As a preemie, he was offered certain programs. One in particular was a Child Service Coordinator. She is a social worker that basically does an evaluation on him every other month until the age of 3. If she feels that there is an area of development which requires therapy, she will coordinate services. Cade is supposed to be evaluated for speech therapy, that's the only thing that has been a concern so far. And really it's not that big of a concern, but when I hear other kids his age speaking in full sentences and Cade isn't really there, well I just want to be sure. So we have seen our CSC every other month for over 2 years now. I'm kind of sad actually now that I think about it, in October Cade will be 3, which means he will graduate from the program.

Anyway, our CSC has basically been with me from the start of my separation. And we have talked every month and seen each other every other month for a long time. Did I mention I am officially divorced as of July 14, 2010? I am! So shes been there...start to finish...she saw it unfold.

Our CSC called me at work today, just to check up on Cade...and that's when she told me that I've come a long way. And she would know I suppose, she has been someone on the outside looking in, watching for the last two and a half years. I stayed for as long as I did because I was afraid I couldn't make it on my own. And look, I'm some how managing to make it.

I've come a long way...it really doesn't seem like it though...I really feel like one big mess. I've still got a long way to go! I'm basically just a small town girl...Some will win...Some will lose...Some were born to sing the blues...

Here's hoping I win!

A Step Closer...

2010-07-26T16:46:00.000-07:00

We had to leave the house bright and early at 6:30 this morning. Well I wanted to leave at 6:30, we didn't actually leave until 6:40. On the way there the radio was on and we were listening to Ace & TJ. They were talking about a band that quit playing a show because they were being bombarded by pigeon poop. At that point Kai said you know pigeon poop carries 60 different diseases. I said how do you know that. Kai said Dirty Jobs. He loves that show and I find it funny that he has all sorts of random facts lodged away in that brain of his that he can spit out at any given moment. He is so smart, I wish he could spit out things he learned in school like that. Well he can if it's something scientific that interests him.

But I digress.

We arrived a little before 8:30 at Pitt Memorial and got checked in for his 9:00 sweat test. Thankfully I had the presence of mind to bring my laptop along with a couple of different movies. To begin with the tech wiped Cade's arm down a few times, changing gloves between each time. Then she took a thick square of gauze and soaked it in something wet and placed it on top of his skin. On top of the wet gauze was a copper piece that had two prongs on top of it. Then she wrapped an arm band with velcro around the copper piece in order to keep it around his arm. She did this to his forearm and just above his elbow on the bicep. She attached a wire to only one of the prongs on the two sites on his arm. The wires were attached to a machine. She turned a knob and started a timer for five minutes. After the five minutes she removed the wires and the gauze/copper piece. She then cleaned the area again, changing gloves between each wipe. Then she placed a square piece of dry gauze on the spot she had stimulated on his forearm. She wrapped something clear and plastic looking around that, she said in order to keep the sweat being collected from evaporating. She then wrapped a cohesive bandage around that to keep it all in place. She repeated all of this on his other arm as well. Each arm had to stay wrapped for 30 minutes to allow the gauze to soak up his sweat.

The movies worked out great because it kept him distracted from caring about what was going on. There can be a little pain with the electrodes attached to his arm and he did seem kind of bothered, but he quickly forgot about that as he watched his movie. It also kept him occupied while we waited the half hour before the wrappings could be removed.

After 30 minutes she removed all the wrappings to show a pretty dry piece of gauze! He managed not to sweat! She did place the gauze in a tube to go and weigh but she came back and said that he did not sweat enough to test. The tech asked if we brought more than one movie! lol So we pushed a bunch of Gatorade into him and waited a while and then tried again. The second time around he just barely had enough...I say just barely because the tech wasn't so sure it was enough, it wasn't dry dry, but it wasn't exactly damp either...but she went and weighed it and she came back saying it was enough. Which is good because the test can only be performed a maximum of two times in one day!

Now had the test gone as planned and only required one time, we would have been in Greenville trying to kill time until his appt to see the pulmonologist at 1:00. But since it was a longer process than normal, we only had an hour and 10 minutes to kill. So at that point we went and ate lunch.

We arrived at the ECU Pediatric Specialty Care, which is the same office that Cade has seen Dr. Poley in. It's basically a practice with several different specialists in it. So we received the results of the sweat test and they were of course normal, he does not have Cystic Fibrosis. Of course I was 99.9% sure that he didn't have it and even more sure after having the sweat test...the tech told me that in her 13 years of doing sweat tests, she has seen only 2 come back positive....and she kind of told me his results were in a normal range. But she wasn't supposed to tell me that and I didn't say anything until I heard it from the doctor, just to be sure! If I've learned anything lately, it's that nothing is ever certain!

So he asked me a bunch of questions about everything. I told him of the endoscopy and lucky for us, since he works in the same office as Dr.Poley, he had access to all of the records for Cade from Dr. Poley. So he was able to see the report from Cade's endoscopy in which Dr.Poley had stated that Cade has an incompetent lower esophageal sphincter (called LES for short). Basically it means that he has acid reflux because his LES is incompetent. And I have no idea why his LES is incompetent! So the pulmonologist thinks that Cade's issues are in large part due to his reflux. Mainly the pneumonia and asthma issues. Acids reflux at night would cause him to aspirate because he is laying flat which in turn will cause pneumonia and asthma.

So he wants Cade to continue the prevacid that he has already been taking. But instead of before dinner as it was, Cade will be taking it in the morning and at night. He also added erythromycin to Cade's daily medication regiment. erythromycin is actually an antibiotic, but it improves acid reflux symptoms by mimicking a digestive hormone called motilin, which helps increase the body's rate of gastric emptying.

So I think this is definitely a good start to Cade staying healthy. He missed seeing Santa Claus this last Christmas because of all of this! He has been so sick for so long, always having a runny nose and red, puffy eyes. And that's a normal day for him, his really sick days involve the strep and pneumonia and all the infections. But I guess according to the pulmonologist, reflux can cause pretty much all of that.

Of course there is still the matter of why he has an incompetent LES to begin with and why his small intestines is the way it is. I know it may take a while, but I am more into fixing the cause and not just treating the symptoms. At this point we are just treating the symptoms. I think Dr. Poley his GI and Dr. Strope his pulmonologist need to sit in the same room and talk it out.

I have become amazed with the human body through all of this. If I weren't as old as I am I would consider going to medical school. I have been reading a lot over the last several months and have learned a lot. I would have never thought that acid reflux would cause so many other problems. I am so well versed in Celiac I think it's safe to say I could teach a class on it. And not just Celiac, really how the small intestines works and the proteins involved in controlling functions. And now I am about to start learning about the LES. I should know the human body inside and out by the time it's all over with!

The Silver Lining

2010-07-17T20:10:00.000-07:00

I've had a rough few days, a lot of things have come up within a week time frame. I have to pay out a lot of money between now and August for various things. One issue in particular really irks me because the consequences (money that now has to be paid) were not a result of me. But I have to pay it and when the money gets refunded it won't be to me! How unfair is that? Kai has to have orthotics made now that we know he has a pelvic tilt. Insurance doesn't cover that, so I will have to be paying the 300+ for that (no one else will be chipping in)! All together I have to pay out an extra 600.00 between now and August!

At first I was seriously stressed! Way stressed! I mean I have money saved, so I do have it, but if I dip into that money, well then I won't ever be able to move! And believe me I do plan on moving out of here! Nothing and nobody will stop me from doing that!

And then I took the Scarlet O'Hara view on things, "I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow." And then I sat down and really thought about it, a couple of days later of course! I can do it! I can manage it without dipping into my savings. And I'm going to do it, ALL BY MY DAMN SELF! And I'm going to do it with my head held high because I have my priorities in the proper order! I'm sure one day I'm going to look back on this time and wonder how I pulled it off.

But today I realized something...yeah a bunch of unlucky things have happened! Everything aside from the money I have to pay out for Kai's orthotics is unfair. And Kai's orthotics only account for 165.00 because that's how much I have to pay in August before they order them, the rest can be paid when they come in. It sucks! But had it happened any other month, I probably wouldn't be as lucky. But in July I get paid three times! So even though I had a run of bad luck...the bright side is that at least it happened when I'm getting a whole extra pay check. Otherwise, some of that savings of mine would have to be used!

Sometimes it's really hard to see the silver lining of the clouds that seem to be hanging over my head...I definitely have my moments! I have had to go sit in the bathroom away from my boys and cry it out. Which actually helps, it's like a stress reliever or something. But in the end, my two boys will be able to look back and know who was there for them and who made sure they were taken care of! Life is hard, but it does throw you breaks! It's all in how you look at it!

And sometimes I have to remind myself of that. A lot of things have happened in my life that just weren't fair. And it seems like no matter how honest I am and how good I try to be, the most random of bad luck still seems to befall me. But if anything I am learning that I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for! As a girl who went from living with her parent to living with her husband...someone who has never been on her own...someone who cowered to others...I've found my two feet and I've stood straight up! I'll make it, I'll live

Fairy Tails not Fairy Tales

2010-07-16T17:50:00.000-07:00

My all time favorite Disney movie is Beauty and the Beast. I am not sure why, maybe it's because Belle loves to read and so do I. Well I can't think of any other reasons, but either way it's always been my favorite. I used to watch it every Thanksgiving, well the Thanksgivings that we spent at my grandparents in Destin. Beauty and the Beast is like every other fairy tail, there's a damsel in distress, and a prince comes to the rescue, and then they live happily ever after...

So I guess I had this really naive notion that I would grow up happily ever after...Well that notion came to a screeching halt when I was about 20.

Little Red Riding Hood was originally created to scare children. It of course has changed through the years to be not so scary to children. I believe Hansel a Gretel was intended to scare kids as well.

I can't help but think that maybe we shouldn't tell these stories of living happily ever after to our children. I mean children are so pure and innocent and they deserve to be pure and innocent for as long as they can. But on the flip side of that, maybe it would be better to scare them with tales of reality, because then real life in the adult world probably wouldn't be such a shock. Or at least they wouldn't grow up with such naive ideas of the world.

Nostalgic...On Second Thought, Maybe Not!

2010-07-10T19:29:00.000-07:00

I suppose I have been a bit nostalgic today. Not too nostalgic though! I don't miss the people from my past as much as I miss the feeling of having close friends. Of having inside jokes to laugh at, my phone always ringing, and the busy social calendar I kept. I miss that part of it, I just wish it had been with people who had better morals and values...or at least understood what friendship meant.

But as much as I sometimes...I don't want to say miss it, because that is the wrong word...as much as I remember the good times associated with those things, I'm glad that I made the decisions I made. Because I am a better person for it. I am definitely a much better mom because of it! Not that I was a bad mom before, lets just say I realize now what is most important.

My cell phone isn't! I used to have my cell phone on me at all times, it was never very far from my reach. Now, not so much! Half the time I never know where it is and aside from my ringer (which sounds like a regular phone ring) my message alerts are one beep. So if I do get a message, if I'm not around it, I won't know it...and I like it that way.

"A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out. "
~ Grace Pulpit

Today we went to PetSmart, Bones had an appointment. We walked in and I signed Bones in. Then we sat down on a bench, the bench we sat on had another bench behind it, the backs pushed together. On the bench behind us was a couple with their little dog. Cade turned towards the back of the bench and started playing with the toy he brought in, which I didn't pay too much attention to...I heard the lady behind us say, "Oh...you have a leg, are you playing with the leg?" Well I found that odd and turned to see that Cade did in fact have a toy leg! It was a leg to something, some toy. lol I have no idea why I find that so funny, but I do. I guess you would of had to of heard the way the lady said that "oh" with the long pause after. It was just funny...I mean of all the toys that are in that boys room, he chose a leg...He obviously saw possibilities in that leg.

I think children teach us important lessons in life by watching the simple things they do...Everything has possibilities...it's all in how well we can use our imagination...

Getting away from technology (the cell phone) and slowing down and seeing the little things is so much better than waking up on a Saturday or Sunday morning feeling horrible because I'm hung over...So while I remember that at the time I was having fun with those people and doing the things we did...looking back, it's nothing that seems fun to me now...Not when a new day begins with so many possibilities!

The Forehead Kiss

2010-07-10T05:49:00.000-07:00

I picked Cade up this morning...he was standing in the kitchen and reached his arms up and said hug...he does that all the time, he is the most loving and cuddly kid I have ever met...So I picked him up and he said, "I got you"...and I said, "I got you"...

Last night he kissed me on my forehead and both my cheeks...Kissing someone on their forehead in my opinion is the best kiss to get. A kiss on the forehead is a sign of love and care...Where do mothers kiss their babies? Their forehead! Where have I mostly kissed Cade? His forehead! So to have a forehead kiss from Cade, well it made me feel good!

And that sums up what my life is all about...my two kids...because no one else really matters!

The Inner Struggle Between Being Coffee and an Egg

2010-07-09T20:00:00.000-07:00

Carrot, Egg or Coffee Bean?

You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed that as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She then pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, Mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity -- boiling water -- but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity? Do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor of your life. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you changed by your surroundings or do you bring life, flavor, to them?

ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

~ Author Unknown ~

I'm trying really hard to be the damn coffee! But I think there may be a lot more of the egg in me than I would like! As I have gone through life, I have learned a lot about myself...mainly that I am too nice and do too much for people! And I have learned a lot about other people...mainly that they have never put as much thought or effort into me and are usually no where near as nice. So do I continue to be myself, do I continue to put my whole heart and self into everything I do for people? Or do I basically just do the bare minimum?

I feel like so much of myself and my personality has changed. So I have this inner struggle of being myself or hardening like that egg shell...I think being myself, being nice and thinking about others as I always have is the way to be...but I don't know if it's the realistic way to be! I find that people will take advantage and there are a few who have definitely taken advantage...So maybe the egg isn't so bad in the long run...because if I'm an egg, then at least I won't get my feelings hurt!

Blogging off STEAM!!!!!

2010-07-09T17:42:00.001-07:00

I always try to be positive and take things as they come and try to not dwell on anything....WEll right now I am pretty damn mad! MY EX-husband just told me that I don't do what I'm supposed to do. He said I don't own up to anything..............

Right, I'm not the one getting up every morning to get myself and the kids (mainly Cade at this point) ready. I'm not the one making sure Cade gets all the damn meds he needs to get everyday! I'm not the one working all day and then coming home and rushing to get dinner made and on the table! I guess I'm not the one going to all the kids doctors appointments all the damn time! It's a wonder my boss hasn't gotten tired of it as many as the two of them have (again mainly Cade, but still!)

I guess I'm not the one doing all that. So it must be him! He must be the one that's busting his ass! It must not be me!

Oh and who bashes me every chance he gets with everybody? Who goes on online and writes about how horrible I am? And then he wonders why I don't want to talk to him! And I'm the one not doing what I'm supposed to be doing? No one can imagine how absolutely livid I am right now! LIVID! And then he tried to tell me how I could talk to him. See the thing is we aren't married anymore and I can talk to him how ever in the hell I want to talk to him. He can't take my car keys from me anymore, he can't take money from me anymore, he can't get mad and punch a hole in the wall or break something else of mine! But he still thinks he can tell me something.... I am LIVID ! SUPER DUPER Angry!

I want out of this place! AWAY from him! See if I moved away then he couldn't call and come around as much as he does! He couldn't keep the drama running! That's the only way I can be free, by moving away!

Kai and Cade....

2010-07-08T16:38:00.000-07:00

We will start with Kai. He went to see an Orthopedist a few weeks ago who did xrays and an MRI and couldn't find any reason why Kai was in pain. He didn't think Kai had one leg longer than the other. Although he did determine that Kai's ham strings are really tight and sent him for physical therapy. So he's been doing that twice a week for the last couple of weeks.

Well we saw the podiatrist today about Kai's flat feet. Turns out there are different kinds of flat feet, rigid and flexible. Kai has flexible flat feet which are the good kind to have, she said she could work wonders with them. Then she moved on to his legs, it took her 5 seconds to determine that Kai DOES in fact have one leg longer than the other! She is just not sure if it's a bone issue or a pelvic tilt issue. One of the bones, either the one between the hip and the knee or the one between the knee and the ankle may be longer on one side. She said it could also be a pelvic tilt, but I think she said that would be due to scoliosis and I know he doesn't have that after all the xrays and MRI's the orthopedist did. So it is more than likely a bone issue, one of them is longer on one side than the other. So he had some xrays done of his hips and legs and once they figure it out he will have arches for his flat feet, but one will have a lift in it to correct the length issue. I'll probably know more about that next week!

Funny how two doctors see the same patient and see two different things!

I got Cade's biopsy results Tuesday. It's taken me a couple of days to want to sit and write about it. Cause it's been a long road and very frustrating! His results were inconclusive. Dr. Poley could not say one way or the other whether or not Cade has celiac. So of course the first question I asked was, why does his small intestines look the way it does? Why is it missing the folds? Dr.Poley told me that medicine is not an exact science and that his small intestines could be a "variation of normal". In laymen's terms that means he was born with a messed up small intestines, missing the folds, and not having the ability to absorb nutrients. He wants to put Cade on a gluten free diet and then redo the endoscopy to see if there are any changes.

Well if it is Celiac, it takes 6 months to a year for there to be noticeable healing. That means that I won't know anything for sure for another year, maybe a little less. He had his first seizures in June of 2008, 2 years ago! I hate saying that the plan isn't good enough for me, but it just isn't good enough for me. And I am confused about how they can't tell. I mean it's either Celiac or it's not. He was either born that way or he wasn't.

So, one of the perks of working not only at a doctors office, but at Cade's doctors office...I have a second opinion in Greensboro on July 20th. When the referrals girl explained the situation to the office in Greensboro, they didn't seem to understand how the results were inconclusive considering the folds are missing in his small intestines.

But as with Kai, two doctors two different opinions... We will see what happens and what this doctor in Greensboro thinks.

I feel bad about getting a second opinion because Dr. Poley is such a sweet man and has been so good to us. But I'm just not willing to accept inconclusive as an answer. Of course I'm glad the podiatrist proved Dr. Metts the ortho wrong about Kai because he had a bad bedside manner!

The definition of exhaustion...

2010-07-07T18:26:00.000-07:00

I'm not complaining...but seriously...

I wake up at 6:00 and sometimes depending on how tired I am when my alarm goes off I might hit snooze. I get in the shower. I get out and get semi-dressed and then do my hair/make-up. I finish getting dressed. Pack my lunch and make Cade his morning milk mixed with his morning dose of iron. I also pack Cade's juice along with the prevacid I have to mix in it for him to have when I pick him up from daycare. I have to remind Kai to take his vitamin D pill and try to give him a chore or two to do that will make my life easier. I make a bowl of oatmeal and scarf it down before I head to wake up Cade. I then have to get him dressed and give him his morning breathing treatment. Then gather up my things to throw in the car and hope that in the mean time Cade isn't taking his shoes off or undressing himself. Cause if that happens, then I'm looking every where for the things he took off. I put him in the car and leave. I have to drop him off at daycare and then head to work.

I work! Right now it's kind of slow. But on a busy day I'm not just sitting in the office, I'm up and down and back and forth all day long! But I think of Kai and Cade through out the day and feel guilty for leaving Cade in daycare. I listen to kids scream and cry all day and deal with parents who can be anything from nice and sweet to nasty and mean. And don't get me wrong, I love my job, I'm just saying...it has it's moments. But luckily I do work with a great set of people and there is little drama for me to deal with...which usually always goes with working with a lot of women...

Then work ends and I must get in my car and drive to Cade's daycare. I pick him up and give him his juice/prevacid cocktail and then I might stop at the grocery store on the way home. I get home and must immediately start dinner because it is now somewhere between 6 and 7. I cook dinner while listening to Cade cry and scream because he's ready to eat right at that very minute. I'm usually asking Kai to help me with things and listening to him give me his 12 year old attitude! I finish dinner and make Cade's plate so that he can finally just stop crying. I make Kai's plate, although there are days that I do make him make his own. And usually by the time I finish some things up and make my plate and then sit down, Kai has finished eating.

Then I must clean up dinner mess and get Cade ready for bed, give him his night breathing treatment and some milk or juice with his night dose of iron. By this time it is usually almost 9 if not after. Then I crawl in bed and some nights I am so exhausted I just fall right asleep. Some nights I might not. But that is my day...day after day. And that's not mentioning the drama that may arise from a certain someone, or the appointments that I have to rush my kids to, or the people that blatantly disrespect me and my wishes where my kids are concerned, or the bazillion other things that always pops up from day to day.

And on the weekends I get to clean up and do the things in the house that I was too tired to do during the week...like fold the pile of laundry on my couch, clean the bathroom, change my sheets, sweep/mop the kitchen floor...you name it and I do it...

I think there are certain people that should take a step back and think about what my day is like. Think about what I do every single day. Because if I act a certain way and get angry easy...well it might be because my days go nonstop from 6 am till about 9 pm and I'm just exhausted!

I do what I do, day after day, not because I have to...but because I want to...and I want to because I love my kids! Again I'm not complaining...I'm just pointing something out!

Sleeping Just Right

2010-07-05T19:13:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it is about watching my children sleep that is so comforting and interesting that it manages always to capture my attention. But it does! Even watching Kai sleep at the age of 12 never gets old.

I've noticed something about the difference in the way my two boys sleep. Kai from as early on as I can remember, after he started sleeping with blankets of course, has always covered himself at night. He will have the blankets totally covering himself head to toe, with the end of the blanket over and under his head. I can't tell you how many times I uncovered him because I was afraid he was too hot or because I was worried he would suffocate himself. And to this day he sleeps exactly the same way. Sometimes it's hard to tell there is someone sleeping in his bed, even as big as he is, because it almost looks like a heap of blankets.

Cade on the other hand usually likes sleeping on top of the covers. He might start out under them, but he always ends up on top. And all of my efforts to recover him are pointless because he never stays that way. I'm always afraid he will get cold and I just want him to be warm and snuggled, so I always recover him. I'm not sure how he doesn't get cold in the middle of the night, I know I do if I ever end up uncovered.

Funny how one seems to roast and the other to freeze! Well at least that's how it would be for me. I can't sleep with my head covered because not only do I get too hot, but I also feel like I can't breathe. And I can't sleep without a blanket or sheet of some kind because I'll end up waking up because I was cold. And yet my two boys seem to be on the polar opposite of each other. Although obviously just right as far as they are concerned since they sleep quite peacefully in their different ways.

So Close....And Still So Very Far Away

2010-07-03T19:03:00.001-07:00

I absolutely could not sleep last night, well maybe I slept a little, but it wasn't restful. I couldn't get comfortable to save my life. And I kept having this annoying dream about being on the phone. I kept dreaming about getting the phone call about Cade's biopsy results. In my dream I don't recall what they said, but it was the same thing over and over, the nurse calling me and us talking.

Cade had his endoscopy on June 23rd. Dr. Poley told me that we would have the results by the following week. I waited very patiently until about Tuesday and called his nurse, Trish. She called me back and told me that the earliest I could get the results would be Friday, but that it would be more like Monday or Tuesday. Apparently Dr. Poley is set in his ways and only sits down to review the biopsies and look at slides on Friday afternoons. Trish told me that Cade's results were in and she also said she didn't understand why Dr. Poley told people that they would have results by the following week since he only reviews them on Fridays.

So I waited patiently until Friday and called again. I left Trish a message letting her know that our office was closed Monday, I wasn't sure if theirs was, but if not I wanted to make sure she called me on my cell! Well she called me and told me that he was reviewing the biopsies as we spoke and that she would see him Tuesday morning and call me as soon as she was done with their meeting. So they are closed Monday too...sigh...I mean they deserve it I'm sure...but gosh! lol

So I suppose I am a little disappointed to still be waiting for the results. I guess that is why I was dreaming about it last night. It's very frustrating to finally be so close to an answer and yet still so very far away! Cade displayed his first symptoms in June of 2008. Two years ago! I no longer have some family members because of what's been going on with him. I guess I looked at June 23rd as the day I would finally know something. Dr. Poley did say he thought it may be Celiac, but until I know for sure I still don't know anything!

Not to mention that I am not going to buy gluten free anything until I know for sure just in case it's not Celiac. Mainly because of the cost involved and the time it takes to shop and read labels to ensure everything is absolutely Gluten Free. There is no sense in going through all that if it's not Celiac. But on the flip side of that, I feel so guilty every time he puts something in his mouth that I know is full of gluten. I mean for all intense purposes it's poison to him, assuming it is Celiac. Who would knowingly allow their child to ingest something that would harm them?

I'm ready for this to be over with, to hopefully have a final answer on what is wrong with Cade. It definitely has been a major stress in my life. To have members of my own family, who are supposed to love me, say the things they said...well it's been tough! I guess I shouldn't be surprised, it's not like they were ever very loving or caring. But I never thought up mystery illnesses with Kai, why would I start now with Cade? Having seizures is not a normal thing! Soaking through a diaper and wetting the sheets night after night doesn't normally happen! Having an xray of your bowels come back saying they are full of poop is so not normal! Having a small intestines that looks like Cade's isn't normal either! But I'm glad that I didn't stop despite what others said to me! I can't tell you how many doctors I showed that video of Cade having one of his staring spells to.

So to be so close to having an answer, to knowing what the mystery illness that took two years to diagnose is...well it's no wonder I couldn't sleep!

The Confusing World of Nutriton

2010-06-30T18:57:00.000-07:00

I'm tired and feeling very overwhelmed. I read one thing about nutrition and then go somewhere else and read something totally different. There are so many different opinions on what we should eat and not eat. How do I know which one is right? I really believe that we don't get enough natural vitamins and minerals. I really believe that a lot of things would be cured if we did. I really believe that Cade needs to get as many natural vitamins and minerals as possible. But What is the right way?

One source says humans shouldn't eat meat. Another says we should.
And yet another says we should eat only poultry and fish/crustaceans. One says we shouldn't drink milk and another says we should. But there's still one more that thinks goat milk is ok, but goat milk only. One source says a Vitamix will use the whole vegetable to make a juice allowing you to get the most nutrition possible out of it. Another source says that blending them in a blender like a Vitamix will kill enzymes and instead it needs to be pressed using a juice press which leaves a bunch of pulp left over...

Who do I believe? What is right and what isn't? I just want to do the best thing possible for Cade. I just don't want to have to worry about acid reflux, constipation, diarrhea, and all the GI issues he has. I just want him healed. And as a mother who only wants the absolute and very best for her child...research has only made me more confused than ever on what is the very best!

Who would have thunk it...

2010-06-28T19:01:00.000-07:00

I've been reading as much as I can the last couple of days on Celiac and organic eating and cooking. I found a book at Barnes and Noble about Celiac Disease and had it put on hold. I don't want to buy it until I get his results and find out for sure what he has (which should hopefully be by Wednesday!). In reading the book I learned that due to the deficiency of nutrients a Celiac's nails can become brittle. Well I started thinking about it...ummmm I couldn't tell you the last time I clipped Cade's nails. I haven't clipped them because they haven't been long... I guess they haven't been long because they haven't been growing! WOW! I never noticed that!

I'm definitely going to have to invest in a Vita Mixer. They are super expensive but the benefits out weigh the cost. I have a Jack LaLanne juicer, but the problem with a juicer is there is lots of pulp left over which will just get thrown away. Which is a waste of money and good vegetables. The Vita Mixer pulverizes the vegetables down so well it turns into a liquid form...I think water might have to be added in order to thin it out, but at least you're using all of the fruit/vegetable as opposed to just a portion of it. And if you're using all of it, then you are getting a lot more vitamins and minerals...and Cade needs as many as he can get!

QVC has them, I've put it on my wish list. I'm hoping one day soon they will put it on easy pay, then I could buy it with no worries! lol

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with the whole Gluten Free and organic thing. Now granted I don't have to do organic. But Gluten Free I do! I've done it before, but before it was kind of an iffy thing since I really had no definitive proof he had Celiac other than his symptoms and a hunch. Now that I'll know for sure... (once the labs come back) well, I feel added pressure to make sure I'm perfect with it. And that is overwhelming. And then the whole organic thing...well that's a whole new territory for me. It's so crazy that organic is so hard to find here! I mean if I drove to Wilmington there are markets there. But gosh, an hour drive every time I want to go the store? I'm sure it will get easier, but right now I'm feeling like I'm taking on a big project... and really all it is, is a diet change. I'm not researching nuclear fission or anything like that...I'm just trying to learn how to be as organic as possible while being 100% gluten free...that shouldn't be a problem right!?!?!?

Organic...Really?

2010-06-27T09:38:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to prepare us for a diet change. Obviously just by the look of Cade's small intestine whether it's Celiac or not, his body is not healthy and needs to heal. As a single mom with one income, who works a full time job, well that means that basically all the quick meals from a box and fast food are no longer an option. That means that I have to make time to prepare healthy meals and find a way to do it without breaking the bank in the process.

So of course I turned to the internet to try and figure out how to do that. I came across a documentary called The Beautiful Truth. That gives a good insight in to how unhealthy America has become because our food is so processed. It's so processed and our fruits and vegetables are so full of pesticides and who knows what else. Not to mention that our vegetables lose so much nutrients when we cook them! We basically pour the good stuff down the sink when we drain them! I also learned in that documentary that the body can heal itself we just have to eat the way we were intended to eat. Raw fruits and vegetables! Organic raw fruits and vegetables preferably. Well that's great, how do I get my two year old to eat raw fruits and vegetables? I'm of the opinion that if that's all there is to eat, eventually he will get hungry and eat it. But I don't want it to be a fight and I don't want him to hate it!

One of the things the documentary talks about is the Gerson Therapy. It was developed by a doctor 80 years ago and there are documented cases of the therapy working to cure tuberculosis, diabetes, and even cancer. Now if you google him there are a lot of sites that say there is no scientific evidence. But there have been numerous people with terminal cancers who have done the therapy and lived. The therapy is based off of eating organic and juicing, there are also enemas involved but I'm not doing that to Cade! Whether you research the Gerson Therapy or not, whether you believe it's a conspiracy theory or something else. In my opinion, it makes sense and there are no side effects but good nutrition if we try it! We were meant to eat fruits and vegetable and some how we have gotten away from that. Unless you eat 100% healthy, if you sit and think about it, what do your meals consist of? Does every meal consist of a fruit and/or vegetable? Probably not. It's no wonder obesity is on the rise in America, we eat processed food! We don't eat food as it was meant, in it's raw and natural form.

I bought a book sometime ago called Living Gluten Free For Dummies. Now obviously if Cade has Celiac part of his healing process will involve eliminating Gluten from his diet. But I really believe eating organically and getting the vitamins and minerals from organic fruits and vegetables will help heal him even faster. It can't hurt right?

The book explains why Celiac happens to begin with. It is important to remember that Celiac Disease is not an allergy to Gluten! It is an autoimmune disease! Basically when wheat hits the small intestines it causes the body to produce too much zonulin. Zonulin is a protien that controls the villi in the small intestines. Basically zonulin is a gate keeper, it opens the villi just enough to allow the nutrients in, while keeping the bad toxins out. When too much zonulin is produced, the villi opens too wide and everything, good and bad gets in. This happens in everyone when wheat is eaten, not just Celiacs. So the body sees the bad toxins that got in, mainly the gluten fragments. It then creates antibodies to attack the toxins. In the process the body also attacks itself, namely the small intestines.

Eating Gluten free won't be a problem, but eating organically, well that's a whole other story! How do I get a two year old to eat his carrots and green leafy vegetables, or any for that matter? Juicing...I think I am going to have get it into him that way.

So I went online to see if we had any local farmers that grew organically. To live in the area that I do and to find not one was a bit frustrating! I don't want to buy it from the stores because I think it would be cheaper buying it from a local farmer. Not to mention at least I'll know 100% for sure just where it came from and how it was grown!

We do have a farmers market and I'm sure that will be better than store bought. But I would prefer it be organic! This is going to be a journey and after seeing what Cade looks like inside, it's a journey I feel I have to do. Not to mention we will all be healthier in the long run because of it...So if anyone knows of a farmer here, please let me know!

2010-06-24T06:48:00.000-07:00

This has been a long time coming! It's been cancelled twice because of his various ailments...but the day finally arrived on Wednesday 6/23!

Dr. Poley his GI who preformed the endoscopy gave me a copy of the pictures!

So the picture on the top left is his small intestines. The picture on the top right is, actually I don't know what part that is...hmmm. The picture on the bottom left is the opening to his small intestines. And the picture on the bottom right is his stomach.

Dr. Poley said all the way down his throat and into his stomach was pristine!

It was pristine until he got to the opening of the small intestines, which is pictured above. Dr. Poley said this is spasmed and would be why he has acid reflux. I couldn't find a picture of a healthy one on google in order to compare. But one of the nurses at work said that should be more relaxed than it is.

This is Cade's small intestines. Dr. Poley said it did not look right at all. He took four samples to biopsy and I should get the results some time next week. But his small intestines is missing the folds that it should have.

This is a picture I found through google, this is what a normal and healthy small intestines should look like. Cade is missing the folds that you can clearly see here.

Dr.Poley wanted to wait until he got the biopsies back. But he is leaning towards Celiac Disease. And the damage that has happened in the two short years of his life, well all I can say is that we are so lucky it was found this soon! I think he has a more extreme case. Celiac has the potential to cause some very life threatening issues. But until the biopsy comes in next week, I won't officially say he has it....But as you can tell just by comparing these two pictures, there is something definitely not right going on!

And I thought I was tough...

2010-06-19T22:41:00.000-07:00

I have to write about this! Toy Story 3...I went to the theater with Cade, Kai felt that he was too old to go see the move, expecting a funny Disney movie. Now Disney movies are known to be sad because it seems like the movies always start with some kind of death of a parent. But not Toy Story, it's funny! And the movie was funny! But man, they made the ending of that movie like I can't even explain. Well lets put it this way, no movie has EVER made me cry like I was crying. I'm not talking about a tear or two escaping the corner of my eye...I was ugly crying, minus the sounds...I was so embarrassed that I was crying like that, that it took everything I had to keep in the sounds I probably would have been making if I were alone in my house!

At first I thought that maybe it was a girl thing. But I was with three other girls and not one of them was crying and one was pregnant! Then I thought it was a mom thing. I mean the movie is about Andy going off to college. Change, things coming to an end, saying goodbye. That's enough to make any mom cry. But after the movie was over and I left, I called a friend of mine to tell her how the movie was because she wanted to know. Turns out that her 15 year old daughter Ashley and Ashley's friend saw the movie and cried as well. So it can't just be a mom thing. But I think those two 15 year old girls and myself have something in common....

First of all Kai is 12. When the first one came out Kai wasn't even born yet and I hadn't ever seen the movie. But when you have kids you are suddenly into movies like Toy Story. And Kai loved that movie when he was little! We watched it many times! And we watched the second one as well. So for Kai to be too old for Toy Story 3 and for the movie itself to be about Andy going off to college, well it hits close to home for me! On top of that, over the last year or so, I've gotten rid of almost all of Kai's toys because he doesn't play with toys anymore. So that hit even closer to home for me. While Kai isn't running off to college next week, well lets just say I'll blink about one more time and he will be.

Those 15 year old girls were probably emotional about it because it's not too long before they too will be leaving...and it wasn't so long ago that they too packed up their own toys and sent them away. So I think it hit home for them as well.

God knows I've been through more than my fair share of change this last year, well two years really. So you'd think I would have been able to handle myself without crying, especially considering how cynical I think I've become...but no! I was sobbing! There were a couple of times where I was crying so hard and I was thinking of how funny it was that I was crying that hard at Toy Story of all movies! I literally had to hold back not only my sobbing sounds, but my need to bust out laughing at myself over the whole situation. Because if I had just let loose and busted out laughing while crying that hard, I probably would have not only looked crazy, but it wouldn't have sounded like laughter, it probably would have sounded like a monster escaped Buzz's home planet.

I have never in my life cried and wanted to laugh like that all at once! I guess it's good that I can at least laugh at myself! I was totally not expecting that! But it made me feel better when Kristina, one of the girls I work with, told me that her mom cried her eyes out during the movie too! So it must be a mom thing, especially moms who have gone through or going through the process of saying goodbye!

There was a scene in the movie where the little green army men are leaving and Woody is asking them where they are going. They said they were leaving because the little green army men are always the first thing thrown away...Oh my gosh that is so true! I can't even tell you how many of those things I threw away when I was sorting through and getting rid of Kai's toys. But I will tell you this much, many of Kai's toys have found a new home With Cade! Including a gigantic collection of Rescue Heroes!

Oh what a movie!

The future....

2010-06-09T18:05:00.000-07:00

I am so lost...I am the Lost Great White Single Mom...What am I going to do with my life? I'm thirty and single (by choice) and so confused...a co-worker pointed out that I seemed overwhelmed with the fact that I have no one to tell me what to do. In the past my future always involved another person and having that person tell me what to do. There has always been someone telling me what to do my entire life! Even now that I am single there is still a person here or there that tries to tell me what to do. I'm done being told what to do. I've got to figure out what makes me happy...So what makes me happy? I've essentially been separated/single for over two years now, able to make any decision I want to make. And I have no clue, even after two years, what makes me happy!

Of course my kids make me happy, they are both a couple of the funniest boys I know. There is never a dull moment with them! But I think I've always had a vision of where my life was headed. When I was married, it was me and Robby, and we were going to be here in Jacksonville our whole lives and we'd raise Kai and Cade and be here. Well now we aren't together and really I have the entire world at my fingertips, technically I could go anywhere in the world I wanted to go...but no vision of where my life is headed and I always have had a vision...

I don't know, I think maybe my life has gone through an enormous amount of change in a very short period of time. In the last two years I've had a baby, separated, let my son live with his dad (which was very hard), had him move back in with me, cut some of the closest friends I've ever had out of my life, and cut family out of my life, not to mention a new job. A lot has happened, a lot of major things have went on. Most people don't deal with that much change in such a short amount of time...although two years seems like a lot of time...there's just been a lot that has gone on, without counting Cade and all his medical issues.

And I'm left without a clue, no close friends, not much family to speak of...It's just me and my two boys...

And that's part of why I won't date...I've dated, it was bad. I think in part because I still don't know what makes me happy. I should be happy and comfortable with myself so that when I am confronted with an ass I can happily walk away with no convictions! And I've definitely gotten comfortable by myself! I just need to fill my time with more things that make me happy and I still haven't figured a lot of what that is.

but I have at least learned that...

I get ancy at movie theaters and find it hard to sit through a movie...although I will take my kids to see a movie and find that I most relaxed when I'm watching a movie with them at the theater.

SpongeBob SquarePants is funny!

I don't like to talk about other people and don't like when people talk about another person around me (those that knew me before probably wouldn't believe that)

Camping without an air mattress is just stupid!

Cable is a waste of money...All you need is an internet connection and a computer you can hook up to your tv.

Mowing the lawn IS fun!

And...

Kai loves me and he might gripe about chores and rules...but he likes having a routine, chores, and rules...he likes knowing that everyday I'm coming home at the same time and everyday I'm cooking dinner and every morning I'm waking him up...He likes that I am consistent!

Sorry? Is anyone ever really sorry?

2010-02-19T19:23:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I have posted a blog...While I usually try to keep my blogs funny and lighthearted, tonight I feel the need to write about my feelings. And let me start by saying, these are my feelings, keep your thoughts to yourself if they are negative, because these are my feelings and they are not wrong! I've resolved to start punching people in the face...so share your negative feelings if you want, but please be aware I will punch you.

I had what I felt were a close, tight knit group of friends. Notice I said had. Now I want to explain something. Robby ran off to Ohio, was fired from Pepsi, dropped everything for this girl. Robby is my ex by the way. Then he started bringing this girl here to visit. I already didn't like that my best friend Tara was spending time with her. But I accepted it for what it was because Tara is Robby's sister. I realize they are related and that if things progressed Tara would have to be more involved with this girl.

And let me add that I am in a unique position. I moved here to Jacksonville because my dad was a Marine. I met Robby at the age of 17. I had no established friendships because I hadn't been here long. Tara and I are about the same age, so we became friends. On top of that, I live in a house that is on six acres of land that Robby's Grandmother owns. On this land, Robby's mom, sister Tara, and brother Daniel have a house. So I am surrounded by Robby's family.

In normal USA, a boy meets a girl, they date, they get married and they move into a house. Each of them have their own friends, with maybe a mutual friend or two. Then boy and girl split up and divorce. Each taking with them the friends they came into the relationship with. And for the boy and the girl, no matter who did what, their friends are there to stand by their side. So hypothetically speaking, if the boy is a horrible cheater and they divorce because of it, even though he was bad, his friends are still there to stand by his side and be on his side. The same goes for the girl. They both live on opposite ends of town after the divorce...the end!

But in jacked up USA, where I live, boy meets girl and girl becomes friends with people who knew boy first. They live on his family's land and then they divorce. Girl can't leave for various reasons, so she gets to be around for boys new girlfriend to come and have family BBQ's right in front of her face. She also gets to stay home while all of her closest friend have a New Years Eve party with the new girlfriend. I only explain all this out because it's not that I have issues with this girl. I don't care who he's with. It's that normally a person's closest friends wouldn't be hanging out with the new girlfriend. Nor would she be on the same property with the new girlfriend while family events carry on without her, making her feel replaced.

So we have Patti who went to middle and high school with Robby. Now, Patti knew of Robby in high school, but they were not friends at all. After high school Patti did not see Robby again or really become friends with him until after she met me. Patti and I met, became friends, and started hanging out in 2002. We became close friends and remained close friends for years, up until 2009. I did many things for Patti, things that most probably would not have done. I was there with her through many difficult times in her life.

Tara, Robby's sister, well they say blood is thicker than water. So she has some what of and excuse out of anyone else...but there is a difference between getting along with and hanging out!

Christina, our kids played OCSA soccer together. There was a lot of travel involved, we became close. She was there every step of the way through my pregnancy and difficult times with Robby. She was there through my separation and even went to divorce court with me. She was never friends with Robby first! NEVER! She was always just my friend.

There are others, but those three were closest to me.

So Patti had a New Years Eve Party at her house. Everyone one went, Tara, Christina, Robby, and his new girlfriend, plus many, many others. They all knew how I felt about them hanging out with the new girlfriend. I mean in normal USA, whose closest friends do that? That doesn't happen. When a girl divorces a boy, her friends usually become sworn enemies of that boy. Right?

This was us last New Years Eve (12/31/08)

From left to right, Tara, Christina, me, Erica, and Patti
Erica wasn't around either for this New Years...

But they took pictures with his new girlfriend...imagine a New Years scrap book, showing pictures from year to year...oh year after year it was me Donna, with all of my closest friends...then this year, it was all of my closest friends with the new girlfriend. Like pull me out and insert her...in to my life...she replaced me. Girls that last New Years Eve I would have done anything for...that I would have never guessed would sell me out...fast forward a year and no me but Robby's new girlfriend...

All I'm saying is most people don't have to deal with this particular scenario, but I do. And I am expected to handle it as if I don't care. But I do! I think it's only normal.

So all this has happened. It's hurt me and left me feeling betrayed, not cared about, or respected.

And now, after all that, Robby and his girlfriend broke up...relationships are forever changed and ruined over a girl who will no longer even be around to enjoy her accomplishments...

And tonight Tara said sorry. Sorry has become a meaningless word to me, something people dole out as it suits them. Robby apologized after we separated for things he did that were wrong while we were married. But then he turned around and has only talked of my faults and how great of a husband he was, in my eyes canceling out the apology.

Gay Mike, a guy I dated, cheated and cheated and cheated...with boys and girls...he was always sorry. But yet he kept doing it. He was horribly mean to me while he was in Africa, apologized, but in my eyes took it back when he turned around and said that he did nothing wrong.

People hand out the word sorry, as if it carries it's weight in gold...but then turn around and say something that is completely contradicting to their sorry. That contradiction says to me that they are not sorry. So sorry becomes a word and words are weightless, worth no amount of gold.

They say once a cheater, always a cheater...you can't teach an old dog new tricks...A girl will tell her friends to leave a man who betrayed her because he won't change.

So am I to accept this apology as something that means something, when sorry for me has only ever been a word? Because if I accept that apology and restore those relationships, they might only do it again, since I forgave them the first time, they might assume as a cheating husband assumes, that I'm not going any where.

For if they were truly sorry, would they not have committed the act to begin with? My true friends would have thought about me and my feelings, especially since they knew how I felt about the subject...

So I find it easier to make a stand and expect nothing short of what I give, which is loyalty. Even if it means that I no longer have friends!

Babe Ruth in the Making!

2009-09-01T19:15:00.000-07:00

Early on Cade has had an exceptional liking to balls of all kinds! Kick balls, baseballs, soccer balls, softballs, golf balls, plastic balls, any ball! If it's round he is on it, like white on rice! I think he has a ball-dar! If there is a ball anywhere in his vicinity, I don't care if it's in the woods with a pile of leaves on top of it, he some how finds it! He's been that way since he could crawl! I think he has a little bit of ball DNA in him!

Back in Mayish I started playing softball. There have been times that I have had to bring him with me to the games. Well he saw that softball and fell in love with the sport! He began walking around with my glove, holding it with both hands, hoping that someone would throw him a ball! Then he started grabbing for the bats while we waited for the game before us to end. It just so happens that the Easter Bunny brought him a little green vinyl glove with velcro in it and a soft green baseball. The velcro is so that the ball stays in his glove when he catches it...in case you were wondering. When he began taking an interest in my glove, I showed him that he had one as well. Just a few weeks ago I searched Jacksonville for a plastic bat. I found an orange one on clearance for 2.50, the kind that come with wiffle balls. It was hard to find because summers about over and I think they had those out in the spring. He has a perfect little batters stance! He even hit the ball one time, hasn't since, but one day he will get lucky again!

He is so funny, when he sees someone hitting the ball, especially an adult who really knocks it, he says "oooooooooooo" or "whoa" or "oh yeah" or "oh man" or something! He is so funny! I almost couldn't bat at practice tonight because he was cracking me up so bad! Every time I hit the ball he had some kind of reaction!

Anyone want to guess what his favorite movie is? The Sandlot! I hadn't ever put it on for him because while it's a kids movie about kids, I figured he was too young for it. It's not a cartoon. I don't have many movies, Robby took most of them, he left some kids movies, a lot of them, but there are only a select few he will sit and watch. And those few he was getting bored with. So one night I saw it and went ahead and got it out for him. He was glued! He loved it! There was a chance that maybe because it was a new movie he hadn't seen that it kept his interest. I ruled that out when I put on the Sandlot 2 a few nights later! He wasn't interested in that movie, it doesn't have as much of the baseball playing in it as the first one does. In fact almost the entire movie has those kids playing baseball in it. So he really just loves the movie!

I felt so bad for him tonight. While I was at practice he of course had his little ball and glove and was wanting the other kids to throw the ball to him. I always bring his glove and his bat when we go out to the field so that he will leave the adult bats alone. Because some times he grabs other peoples bats, people I don't know, people who have either just finished playing and are just watching the next game, or people who are waiting to play. Well the poor kid is left handed! He is so left handed it's not funny! There is no doubt about it that he is a lefty! Well when the Easter Bunny bought the glove it never occurred to him that he would be left handed. And honestly I don't think they had a left handed glove in that style. The only choice you had to make was if it was for a boy or a girl based off the color of the glove. I don't recall seeing left and right handed gloves, I mean it was wal-mart! So he runs around with this right handed glove on his right hand and has the hardest time catching the ball. He probably could if he had the right glove for him!

I had my softball bag in the kitchen, I had a late game the other night, so when I got home I dropped it by the laundry room and forgot about it. The next day I was cleaning up around the house, I kept hearing banging coming from the kitchen, I finally went to see what it was. Cade had one of my cleats on, my catchers mask was around his neck, and he was holding my glove with both hands...walking around! It was so funny! I wish I had my camera! But I was trying to keep the clay off the kitchen floor I had just vacuumed!

And of course he bats right handed! He mimics, that's how he is so smart, he watches and then does it! Well I haven't been able to get him to change his stance to the other side, that's the way I bat, so he figures he should too!

Baby Cade!

2009-07-26T17:21:00.001-07:00

A year ago Cade had about 4 seizures over a period of a week. Prior to that he did have a few holding the breath spells, but those were usually caused by something, he was hurt in some way, which caused him to start screaming...he would scream out but never take that next breath in, then he'd turn blue and pass out. One time it happened because the dog accidentally scratched him, something such as that would cause him to scream. And holding the breath spells are completely normal, their brain just forgets to tell them to breathe, something that could very well be linked to him being premature.
The seizures he had usually happened when he was cranky, he may have been a bit whiny but he wasn't crying. All four of them were grand mals. I think that's how it's spelled. One time his body spasmed so badly that only his head and feet touched the ground. Either way, I know they were seizures and there is nothing anyone can say to convince me otherwise. I had to take a seizure class once and I have a photographic memory, so I remember a lot of it. I remember learning that anyone can have a seizure at anytime for any reason. I also learned that any seizure under 20 minutes is not serious, which is why I didn't rush him to the ER. I did as I learned, I documented each seizure, what happened, what was happening prior, and how long they lasted. At his next well appointment I brought in my notebook and showed the doctor. The doctor agreed that they sounded like seizures and referred me to a neurologist. I went to the neurologist with my notebook and explained everything out, including the holding the breath spells. He did a CAT scan that day, since he had one in his office, and I got the results that day, everything appeared normal. So he scheduled Cade for an EEG, which was the worst thing ever! Only because I had to keep Cade up ALL night long! Ever tried keeping a baby awake all night? nearly impossible, but I managed with lots of baths and well I don't remember how I did it! They want them coming in ready to sleep because you have to be completely still for an EEG. It only took an hour but he slept through the entire thing! Those results came back normal.
It was the neurologists opinion that they were holding the breath spells that had changed. I completely disagreed with him! I saw them, they were seizures and completely different from Cade holding his breath. But who am I to argue with a doctor, especially a neurologist!
I will say he never had another seizure or held his breath since that time.
A few months ago I started noticing something odd in the car. I noticed it a couple of times at home, but mainly in the car. He would stare off to left, totally zoned out and unresponsive. And his left hand comes up, and it's the way he holds his hand and the way he is staring that caught my attention. At first I thought he was zoning out to go to sleep. But then I started noticing over a period of time that his mannerisms when he was zoning and the way he went to sleep were totally different. And I also noticed that when he zoned out he never went to sleep after. It began to strike me as odd. The more I noticed the more my mommystincts were screaming out to me, something isn't right. So one day I recorded it with my Blackberry as I was driving down the road. Dangerous I know! But I had to capture it on film, describing it just doesn't do it justice.
Cade had a well appointment on Friday (07/24/09) and we had Dr. Mittal! Our pediatrician clinic has several doctors on staff, so sometimes it's hard to get Dr. Mittal. Dr. Mittal is a neonatologist, I want to say the only one in Jacksonville. He is the most awesome Dr. ever in the entire world! I love Dr. Mittal! He took care of both of my boys when they were preemies, they only saw him because they were preemies and that is his specialty. He took over care of Kai after Kai left the hospital in Wilmington, back then Jacksonville (OMH, Onslow Memorial Hospital) didn't have an NICU. But he took care of Cade from the start, he's the one that was there when Cade was delivered, he carried Cade to the NICU right after birth. That man was in the NICU EVERYDAY, twice a day! Sometimes more! I was in the NICU feeding Cade one day when a particularly complicated situation arose. I was trying to breast feed Cade, so I had the curtains around me, so I am sure they forgot about me. But it got heated in there over a baby who wasn't doing well, they were trying to prepare the baby for transport to another hospital who could better deal with the situation. The NICU at Onslow Memorial is not equipped to deal with really premature babies. I want say they only handle up to a level II maybe III...I can't remember, but this baby needed a higher level of care than could be handled at OMH. But to hear him at work and arguing with the paramedics who were about to fly this baby out, it was amazing, you could tell he is an awesome Dr. He was about what was right and best for the baby, and he didn't care about anything beyond that! His wife deserves a hundred thanks, because he leaves her everyday for that NICU, and he is so dedicated. That kind of dedication can probably wear over time on a wife! But I love him and totally respect his opinion! He has never been wrong when dealing with my children...some doctors have, but never him!
So I was happy when he came in our room! I explained the situation out and described what was going on...I then broke out my handy dandy Blackberry and showed him my video. Which impressed him! LOL! He was able to see the behavior after hearing my explanation of everything! I also told him that I did not agree with the neurologists opinion at all. And he did something I wish he hadn't! He agreed with me! The one time when I would have loved to have been wrong, to have had him look at that video and tell me it was nothing, to have someone make me feel stupid! This would have been the time! Why couldn't this have been the time? He is referring Cade to another neurologist for a second opinion. Because there is a possibility that Cade is having silent seizures... aka absence seizures and the medical term petit mal. Silent seizures are seizures that someone can have giving little to no sign that they are having them. Sometimes it's as simple as staring, or rapid blinking, or doing as Cade has been doing.

What causes them? There are tons of possibilities:
http://www.emedicinehealth.com/seizures_in_children/page2_em.htm#Seizures%20in%20Children%20Causes

Dr. Mittal also asked that I inform him about it after we saw the neurologist because he is very curious. Which is probably why he is such a good doctor and why he knows so much!
Up until I went in I wasn't so worried. I guess the possibility was there that it could be nothing at all. And it still could be nothing at all. But it might be something. And now I am nervous! It's made me sick! Makes me want to cry just thinking about it.
Both of my boys made it out of their difficult births with little side effects, Cade especially. I was very lucky nothing was too terribly wrong with either of them. I have a friend who had severe preeclampsia like me and delivered her baby at just over a pound. She has had issues due to the prematurity. And granted my boys were not as early. But anything can go wrong when dealing with premature babies, no matter how early. And I kind of feel like I shouldn't be worried because this could very well be nothing and my friend has had a dozen reasons to worry. But that's what mommies do, we worry! I haven't been called with the appt information. And who knows how long it will take to get in. But in the mean time, it has been a while since Cade has had one of his episodes, or I just haven't noticed them. Other that that he is one happy and healthy little boy! So I am hoping for the very best and that I am way wrong!
I haven't mentioned it before because I just wasn't sure. And really I'm not sure still...but now I am a little nervous! So writing helps me...but don't be nervous or worried about him, that's my job! LOL! I am sure EVERYTHING with be ok! I mean I'm the momma shark! And this just adds to my Great White Adventure!

He is going to be 2 soon! I have already started planning his birthday. It is going to be a Berenstain Bears Picnic in the park. A park here in Jacksonville right on the water. It's going to be October 17th which is a Saturday. It will be tons of fun and October should have perfect weather for a picnic! It's going to be hard to not call him Baby Cade...he isn't such a baby anymore! Baby Cade has always been a little nickname, it's caught on a little. While I was pregnant I always referred to him as Baby, and then he was a boy, so somehow Baby Cade stuck...I don't know...but eventually I have to stop calling him that! LOL!

No dogs, cats, or humans were harmed during the incident...

2009-07-11T17:22:00.000-07:00

This would have me doing the hibby jibby dance...no the hibby jibby jig! My brother is an animal control officer, he cracks me up! This is the second time he's made the news! I will include both stories, although the very first time happened in 2006! My brothers name is David Williams by the way!

Here is the link to the news story showing the video, my brother is the one in the swimming trunks...
http://www.kswt.com/global/video/popup/pop_playerLaunch.asp?clipId1=3934091&at1=News&vt1=v&h1=Ten%2DFoot+Stray+Snake+Startles+Yuma+Family&d1=128100&redirUrl=www.kswt.com&activePane=info&LaunchPageAdTag=homepage&clipFormat=flv

Here is the newspaper story...
http://www.yumasun.com/news/snake-51316-hsoy-constrictor.html

Here is his other moment of fame...lol
http://www.yumasun.com/news/williams-22273-princess-park.html

I'm so proud of my brother the animal control officer!

Fireworks...

2009-07-05T12:08:00.000-07:00

We went to Surf City to watch the fireworks on Friday night. Patti is the one who told me about it, so she went, as did my nephew Noah. This was Cade's first real Fourth of July, so it was important to me that he got to see fireworks! But Saturday I knew we were going to be at the beach all day, plus having a cookout with friends. And no one else wanted to brave Onslow Pines to see their fireworks because leaving after the show is a nightmare! Onslow Pines is located on a two lane road, so getting out takes forever!

I didn't realize how busy Surf City was going to be, it took forever to get on the island. But we managed to find a good parking spot and ventured out towards the festivities. Just over the bridge there is a park right by the water on the sound side. There is a playground and a board walk that wraps around a portion of the sound. It is really beautiful! They had the board walk decorated in red, white, and blue, so it was really festive! They have a stage out there as well and a band was playing music. We walked the board walk as we waited for the fireworks to start. There is a little dock that come off the board walk that was empty. I saw that as the perfect spot to sit and watch the fireworks!

We took our flip flops off and dangled our feet in the water. I should have brought the bug spray with me though! The mosquitoes were horrible! They were even biting my back through my shirt! Cade became a little squirmy as we waited for the show to start. There was no railing or anything to keep him on the dock, so he kept trying to lower himself into the water! That was great! I just knew before the night was over he was going to end up in the water! But I managed to some how keep him dry! Much to his dismay I might add!
Here is a picture from the dock we were sitting at. Just across from us and to the right is where the playground and stage are located.

So The show finally started...and here are some pictures of that!

My first show...whether I wanted it to be or not!

2009-07-03T16:47:00.000-07:00

We ventured out to the beach today, like so many other people did! I went to the beach Tuesday and Thursday and there were not nearly as many people out those two days like there were today! The other two days I went, I wore my apron back tankini, it has an open back. Today however, I chose to wear my black and white tankini which has no straps, it's more of a tube top! I wanted to let the strap lines I had from my other bathing suit get some sun.

Cade is scared of the ocean, I think it could be the waves he's scared of, although I'm not 100% sure. It's funny he is scared of the ocean because he isn't scared of the pool or the bath tub. He will climb into a bath tub by himself, turn on the water and plug the tub! He also has no problems climbing into a pool, whether an adult is with him or not! I will say it does make going to the beach with him easy since he stays away from the water! The waves weren't very big today, it was definitely calm compared to yesterday. Since it was so calm, I decided to take Cade into the water, past where the waves were breaking. The beach we went to today had tons of shells in the water, right where the waves were breaking. It hurt trying to get past that part because there were so many, I guess my feet are tender. When a wave broke it would send shells crashing against my feet and shins and that didn't feel really good either. But once we made it past the breaking waves it was calm with just tiny waves coming in from the ocean. We were waist deep, although when a wave came in it would rise to about chest level. Cade was a little whiny, not liking the waves that came in, but the purpose of going out there was to help him over come his fear! We stayed out for a little while and then I ventured back to the shore with him.

I spent the next couple of hours tanning in my chair and watching Cade! While he doesn't venture towards the water, he will venture towards people, especially if they have food! He'll walk up and look at them and it never fails, they always give him whatever it is they are eating! I think he must have an, "I'm really cute, can I please have what you are eating," face that he puts on or something! I do try to keep him away from people! But he is a very busy little boy out there! And usually the people he walks up to are people he's already been walking up to because he is so curious and they go on and on about how cute he is! He really is a big hit at the beach! The other day this guy was throwing trash away and Cade was watching him as he did it. As the guy threw the trash into the bag Cade started clapping, which is what we do at home! The guy thought it was so funny! It was just a little later when he was eating and Cade walked over to investigate! He walked away with a Capri Sun! I probably don't have to worry about lugging a cooler out there any more! He could just pan handle off the beach goers! Actually they think he is so cute they just want to feed him!

Just before we were going to leave I decided to take Cade into the water again. Going out before did nothing to help his fear! He wouldn't even stand on the shore where the waves came in after they broke! This time I waited till really small waves came in to break, I had learned my lesson before with the shells! I started in and made it past the breaking waves. Just in front of me my two nephews, Caleb and Patric, were out on their boogie boards. As I headed to them I saw a bigger wave coming in, this wave began to crest a bit too early! It broke right where Cade and I were, sending me tumbling towards the shore with him. All I could think was, "don't let go, don't let go, don't let go!" I was afraid of losing Cade in the wave, I didn't want that to happen. I did my best to try to keep us somewhat above water as this wave had us tumbling about. Cade of course was screaming in between going in and out of the water. I managed to hang on to him and survive being thrown around in the ocean. The wave had broke early and had sent us back towards shore. I started to stand in order to try again, but as I did I realized that my bathing suit top had been pulled down in the chaos of being thrown about by the wave!

I immediately dropped back into the water and tried to fix my top! But unfortunately that wave had pushed us right to the very spot where all the waves were breaking! So as I was trying to fix my top a wave broke and sent us tumbling again! All I had to do was stand up because the water was very shallow, but if I stood up I would have been exposed to all the beach goers! My dignity was so great that it would not allow me to do that! Another wave came crashing down on us and then my bottoms were pulled down a little, so I definitely wasn't going to stand at that point! I had Cade with one arm and with the other I was try to scramble to fix myself before another wave broke! But the waves were coming in so fast that I could never quite get myself together before we were sent tumbling again. My adrenaline kicked in as I fought to keep us both above water, while trying to tug at my bathing suit, and keep the entire beach from seeing me naked! I began to panic just a little bit as Caleb happened to come in on the next wave that came crashing down on us. I yelled at him to had me his boogie board, he kind of just stared at me. I asked again for it and told him to take Cade. I'm sure he could sense the panic in my voice as I yelled at him. He took Cade who was at this point screaming from being bashed over and over by the never ending waves. I held the board in front of me as I again tried to fix myself before another wave broke. But the waves just kept coming in and breaking, knocking me and my bathing suit about. Tara had been standing on the shore just in front of me, totally unaware of what was taking place, because she was in the middle of texting someone on her cell phone. The crashing sounds of the waves were so loud that our screams could not be heard. I screamed at Tara to come help me. I don't know what she could have done, maybe stood in front of me so that I could have had something blocking me...I don't know. As she looked at me and took notice of the situation, she did as any true friend would have done, she busted out laughing at me! It was great!

Here I was with my bathing suit top pulled down and my bottoms not in place either! All I had was a boogie board that I was holding in front of me, which for some reason I kept trying to wrap around myself, but those boogie boards aren't very bendable! The waves just kept coming, I had but seconds in between each one to try and fight with my suit before the next wave knocked me over again! It began to seem like a hopeless situation! And my best friend in the whole world was up on shore laughing at me! Ok, I can't say that if the situations were reversed I wouldn't have been laughing at her!

Over and over again I was knocked around. I struggled against the waves pushing me forward and the receding force of the water as it tried to suck me back into the ocean. It was a struggle to maintain my position against an almost simultaneous pushing and pulling while at the same time trying to fix myself! Just as I would get one side of the suit in place another wave would come in and knock both me and suit around, my efforts were almost pointless!

I have no idea what happened, whether the hand of god came down from the heavens and stilled the water, or there was just a long pause before the next wave broke. But miraculously I managed to get the top and bottom of my bathing suit in place and stand! I could hear the angels singing hallelujah as I stood! I staggered in towards the shore, my body tired from the struggle. I did all I could do, I threw my arms up on either side of me and kinda leaned forward like I was taking a bow, with a big smile upon my face! I wasn't sure if anyone took notice of the show, but if someone had, I wanted to bow!

I walked back to my chair and collapsed into it, it was then that I realized that my bottoms were full of tiny shells! I could feel them poking me! As I sat there I began to feel the stinging of all the tiny cuts I had scattered about on my legs. As I looked my legs over I could see little amounts of blood escaping the cuts I had from the shells on the ocean floor!

Luckily I managed to escape that situation with out being butt naked on the beach...but I think it's safe to say that Cade will be terrified of the ocean for the rest of his life!

When we got home the first thing I did was shower! As I peeled my suit off the clattering of shells falling out could be heard! You should have seen my bathroom floor it was covered in tiny pieces of shell! At the very least I got a really good exfoliation courtesy of the ocean!

Is there a such thing as Computer Protective Services?

2009-06-27T06:43:00.000-07:00

My name is Hewi, people call me HP for short. I'm a computer, a pretty loyal computer! My owner, Donna, she takes good care of me and keeps me clean inside and out. But her son, if he gets hold of me, well it's a nightmare! He pushes all of my buttons and causes me to freeze up because I can't process all the commands as fast as he bangs away! Yesterday Donna took a shower. She left me closed up on her bed, she forgot to put me up! She put on a movie for that crazy kid to watch in her room.

He pretended to watch the movie, that kid is slick! But as soon as she stepped in the shower he grabbed me! He opened me up and he violated me! I tried to pretend I was in a happy place as he banged away at my keys. But then he started prying my precious keys off of my keyboard! I can't take it anymore I tell ya! I need to be rescued! I've been abused by an insane little boy! I've been traumatized and I don't know that I will ever be the same again!

Donna called the Geek Squad at Best Buy. I heard her talking to them about me. She is going to drop me off with them, I'll get at least a week away from that little boy! She has an extended warranty on me and thankfully they don't consider a one year old prying my keys off as malicious! I will be put back together physically, but mentally I will never be the same! I need help! I need for someone to help me escape this tortuous toddler! I am planning to try to escape. Can anyone help me? Please help me! I need a get away car!

Check out Cade's Picture of the Day!

Brownie the Dog - A Touching Tail~

2009-06-26T09:40:00.000-07:00

We hear stories of pet adoptions all the time. A family finds a dog and brings their new pet home. But how do we know if this pet really likes their new family? You never hear of a dog choosing their family.

I have a tail to tell about Brownie the Dog. A dog who went on a search for her new home and found the very best family a dog could ask for! She took matters into her own hands!

One morning right before Easter I woke up and started my normal routine. I let the dogs out and noticed a puppy standing outside. I of course wondered where she came from, but didn't have time to investigate. I had to make sure Kai was getting ready for school and get the baby dressed and fed. We finished getting ready and we went outside to head to the car. This puppy was very friendly and greeted us as we walked out. She even followed us to the car and was as sweet as she could be. I backed out and didn't expect to see her when I returned home. I dropped Kai off at school and headed to the gym. I returned home and there this dog was laying on my door step!

I thought for sure she must belong to someone in the neighborhood. I just knew someone would come looking for her. But no one ever did and she never left the yard! Instead she played with the kids and our other dogs and looked as happy as any dog ever did! The kids eventually named her Brownie, probably because she was brown, but the name stuck. And so did she! She never left. She slept outside and was always ready and waiting anytime we went outside. Weeks passed and still she never left and no one ever came to claim her. Tara finally bought her a bright pink collar and we invited her into our homes. Sometimes she stays at my house and sometimes she stays at Tara's house. We have shared custody! LOL!

I have never seen a dog more happy to wear a collar than our Brownie! Of course the pink collar isn't too pink anymore! It's dirty from swimming in our pond with the other dogs!

I don't know where Brownie came from or who she could have belonged to. I think she may have even been dumped in the neighborhood. Who knows. But I think Brownie was wondering around when she came upon our land. She saw that there were other dogs and kids that she could play with. She was fed and had a place to sleep. She even had a pond to cool off in and woods to explore. I think Brownie saw our property as a kind of Dogtopia! And so she adopted us as her new family.

She is a good dog! She knows the command 'sit' and she seems to be house trained for the most part. She is very loving, although sometimes she forgets just how big she really is! She doesn't realize that her size is capable of knocking Cade over! When she first arrived we had a problem with her knocking Cade over when she greeted him! She would run up and jump on him, knocking him over, and then she would lay on the ground in front of him and try to snuggle up close to him. All the while Cade would be crying because this dog just jumped on him and knocked him over! We finally got her to quit doing that. She didn't mean him any harm, she just didn't realize how big she was!

So that is how Brownie the Dog found a family and that has to make us the most special family around...because a dog chose us!

Brownie found her 'achuna matada'...no worries for the rest of her days!

Something Worth Thinking About

2009-06-25T20:59:00.000-07:00

I am going to step outside of my humorous box for a moment. I watched a movie tonight. It doesn't matter which movie, just a movie based off of actual events. I watched a movie because I choose not to have cable. I choose not to have cable because I don't watch tv. I had it there for my oldest son Kai and he no longer lives with me. So more often than not, the tv was off.

I watched this movie about events that took place before I was born. Not too long before I was born, just a few years. I will be the first to admit that I live in my own little world! I do that by choice! I choose not to watch the news that comes on because I hate hearing about all the hate and violence that goes on, not only in my city, but around the world. It's rare to hear something good on the news. Or so it would seem to me. I found out about Ed Mcmahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson all at once...through Facebook, courtesy of my friends!

These are my thoughts on the news. They tell you about things to be scared of. I have always been a firm believer in ignorance is bliss and what I don't know won't hurt me. Now maybe that makes me an ignorant redneck or maybe that helps me live a more peaceful less fearful life. I don't want to run around in fear of swine flu or the Craig's List Serial Killer or what ever danger the ABC news feels I should fear.

I want to live my life and see the beauty of the world. I don't want to sit and wonder what kind of a world I brought my children into. Watching that movie made me think that. It's funny how everyone is trying to be politically correct now days and try to separate church and state. Has anyone ever realized that religion and politics kind of go hand in hand? The wars that are being fought today go back, way back, back to biblical times! And over land! And yet it is all political now.

I am sitting here typing this out and my little man Cade is sleeping so very peacefully next to me. He looks so at peace, so beautiful, and so safe. He feels safe. I feel safe. I feel safe in my ignorant little world. And yet there are mothers around the world who are staring at their children, just as I am now, and they don't feel safe. The sounds of gunfire and bombs exploding is an everyday reality. Does anyone realize how lucky we are to be Americans. How lucky we are to sleep safely and soundly in our little ignorant worlds safe from the chaos of the world?

I am a Marine Corps bratt! I live in a Marine Corps town! I hear stories from my friends that are Marines of Americans saying horrible things to them. In other cities of course. I don't want to stereotype any particular kind of people that do it. But that makes me mad. Perhaps they, them and their children, should spend a night in one of the unsafe places of the world. The places that are smack dab in the middle of a war zone. Maybe they should be forced to look at their sleeping child and wonder if they are going to make it to see sweet 16 or their 21st birthday. Maybe then they would appreciate those who keep them safe. Those who allow them to gaze down at their sleeping child and feel safe.

I wish we could live in a peaceful world! I wish wars were a distant memory in every country. I wish the children of today were allowed to live peacefully and that century old hate wasn't passed onto them. But that is unrealistic because we live in the real world. It's not a perfect world! But looking at Cade sleeping so soundly, I hope he can one day look at his children and feel the same as I do right now looking at him!

I would hate to think that some mother at this very moment is staring down at her sleeping little baby boy, just as I am now...Both of us feeling the same...only to have them grow up and fight against each other in some war. Some war that started with people centuries ago...that most have no idea why it started...that one of these precious little babies will grow up to kill the other.

I hope I just made you think...

Here are some pictures I took of Cade today...Pictures taken by a proud American Momma!

Eels...snakes of the sea

2009-06-20T03:08:00.000-07:00

I went fishing tonight! It was fun! I mean all I reeled in was an eel and a blue crab, but I enjoy fishing! And tonight was so perfect! There was a nice breeze coming off the water and it was nice and quiet and peaceful! There is nothing I like better than the smell of the water! And it doesn't matter what kind of water, the ocean, a river, a lake, whatever...they all smell different but they all smell so good to me!

So I reeled in an eel...lol...The friend I was with got a pair of pliers to take the hook out. He needed me to hold on to the eel, with a towel of course, while he pulled the hook out. He was holding the fishing line with one hand, which is why he needed me to hold the eel.

So I grabbed the towel and walked over, I was saying over and over in my head...It's a fish, it's a fish, it's a fish, it's a fish...I wrapped the towel around his body and grabbed him. That's when his body started moving, he was flipping the tail end of his body and his head back and forth, fighting my grip. It was too much for me. His body and the way he was moving just reminded me of a snake! Totally! I freaked out and let go and did my hibby jibby dance! I couldn't do it, I couldn't hold him! He was just too much like a snake! LOL!

I have a can of hairspray & I know how to use it!

2009-06-17T20:56:00.000-07:00

My baby left to go visit his dad and brother in Ohio. They left this last Friday. So I haven't blogged much...I should have blogged about the fishing we did the Thursday before my boys left! That was a hassle and a half!

So my house has been very quite! VERY QUITE! I've been kept busy though...last night I played a thrilling game of Phase 10...everyone kept getting way mad with me! LOL! I'd lay down and go out and everyone would still have their full hand! It was funny...My mother-in-law...what do I call her when me and my ex are officially divorced? It confuses people when I say mother-in-law and they're like, but I thought you weren't married, lol....I'm like I am legally married till my divorce is final in July...but we've been separated for so long I don't even count us as married anymore!

Anyway, my mother-in-law, Connie changed the name of the game to "Get Aunt Donna"....nice!

So yesterday, I was going to the grocery store...I was picking up one of my good friends, Jen...she's car-less till Friday. So I showered and everything was going good! I was clean! My hair was wet! So I broke out the hair dryer and blow dryed my hair.

Unbeknownst to me a wasp was lurking in my bathroom! And since this wasp had claimed my bathroom as his home, he was looking at me like I was crazy for coming in his house with all that noise! But he was too afraid of all that noise to do anything about it!

I finished up with the blower dryer and powered it off. Suddenly I noticed something black coming at me simultaneously in the mirror and from my peripheral vision. I wasn't sure if I should turn my head to look or continue to view this black flying thing in the mirror. I then realized it was a wasp and I moved to get out of his way. Only I wasn't in his way...I was his target! I have not been the target of a wasp attack ever...oh wait, I was stung by a nest of something when I was little, at my Mema and Papaw's house. I remember running down the slide of the swing set we had, it was a metal slide, and that loud noise sent them swarming! I was stung many, many times! Was that bees or wasps? Someone that was there will remind me!

So as soon as I realized I was his target my arms started flailing and I took off hopping and jumping my way through the house. That is the fight version of the fight or flight hibby jibby dance! I have discussed other versions in my other posts...There is the stationary hibby jibby dance, the flight version of the fight or flight hibby jibby dance and now the fight version! The fight version is when I am trying to get away from something while trying to fight and/or keep it off of me!

So the bouncing, hopping, running, and flailing of the arms was my effort to protect myself from a potential sting! They hurt!

I must mention that my ex had a horrible fear of wasps...he acted as if every single one that he ever saw was out to get him. If he ever saw one he would scream like a girl (ok not so much like a girl, but he still let out a crazy yelp) and take off running in his own version of a hibby jibby dance! I was the designated wasp killer of the house and I would always say, if you don't bother them, they won't bother you...I still stand by that statement...

I just didn't realize one had staked a claim in my bathroom and didn't take too kindly to me blow drying my hair! So I had bothered him without realizing it!

Once I felt sure that I had lost the wasp I looked around for my broom! I am always missing my broom because little Cade likes to take it places and leave it...I'm not sure where he left it...but I can't find it...and we are talking about a 5 foot tall broom!

He's good!

The broom is my weapon of choice when it comes to killing wasps. Well I was up the creek without a paddle! I walked back into my room and just to opening of the bathroom door. I peaked my head in, I saw no sign of my dive bombing wasp, so slowly I walked in! And he came after me again! I jumped back, keeping my eye on him! I wasn't going to let him shoot me, I mean sting me, in my back!

I was hoping my broom was in my bathroom. I didn't see it. What could I use to get him....I just didn't know! I scanned the counter for a deadly weapon...that's when I spotted it. Hairspray! I would "super hold" him in place! I grabbed the hair spray as he tried to dive bomb me yet again, this time he hit the mirror and fell to the sink! I started spraying! He never made another successful lift off! I doused him in hairspray!

But then I noticed that it seemed to be a most agonizing death...almost comparable to being burned alive! I then started to feel bad! He was throwing his body around and it was really horrible to watch! Mike, my brother-in-law told me later that I should have put him out of his misery! I couldn't, I didn't have my broom! Poor guy! I do feel bad! I mean I don't kill for the pleasure of watching something die! It was him or me! Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time! What have we learned from this? Don't mess with something 1000 times your size with a can of hairspray!

Man, that hairspray stuff is great! It's multi-functional!

The Good, The Bad, & The Evil

2009-06-05T08:30:00.000-07:00

Tuesday evening the lawn mower kept sputtering and quitting on me. I know nothing about lawn mowers at all! It had gas. So I checked the oil. The oil was really low! Last night I put oil in it. I thought it must have been really low because it took the whole quart.

I pulled the cord and the mower started...then white smoke started billowing out of it and oil was leaking from something on the side...I know nothing about mowers, but that didn't seem healthy for a mower to be doing, in my opinion! So I shut it off.

It seems that lawn mowers don't take a whole quart of oil! I found that out after I called my brother-in-law, well I guess he won't be my brother-in-law any more. But any way I called Daniel and told him what I did and what happened. He said he would come look at it. There was no fill line or instructions on the mower! How was I supposed to know?

It didn't seem wrong, I mean a car takes way more. So in size comparison between a car and a mower, one quart seems ok. And it never over flowed! I poured it down the tube and it never even filled up into the tube, it just all disappeared into the mower! So I didn't think anything was wrong, it didn't seem to be too much!

So more tears of frustration! I suppose you live and learn! Lesson learned! But there should really be a manual of some kind for women who aren't familiar with mechanical things such as a lawn mower! Just a basic how not to screw things up guide...like don't put a whole quart of oil in a mower!

Since I couldn't mow, I decided to start clipping down some of the vines and trees and such that had over grown along the fence.

I have narrowed vines into three categories! Forget the whole binomial system of classification! I have my own!

1. Good Vines - good vines are any vine that will not hurt me! These do not have thorns of any size or kind. So I can safely grab them and not yank my hand back in pain!

2. Bad Vines - bad vines are any vine that will hurt me! These have thorns on them.. If I grab them, I will yank my hand back in pain! And sometimes the thorns remain stuck in my hand and I have to pull them out! The vines are bad all around because the tiny thorns are everywhere and you can not safely grab them to pull them away without wearing gloves! You can pull it from the ground if you grab it at it's base.

3. Evil Vines - evil vines are the thick green vines that grow straight up and have huge thorns. These vines have the potential to cause serious injury! If I grab one, I will yank back a bloody mess! There is a pro to this vine. The thorns are spaced far enough apart that I can safely grab said vine and remove it without injury!

It was hard to decide between the bad and the evil vines because of the size and spacing of the thorns. The evil vines don't seem as bad because their thorns are spaced so far apart when compared to the bad vines. The bad vines have tiny thorns EVERYWHERE! The spacing is practically non-existent, it is not possible for a human to place their fingers between two thorns for removal! What ultimately made the decision for me is that the bad vines will not cause you to bleed to death if they poke you! The evil vines will!

While clipping at the vines that were everywhere, they were falling to the ground. I was wearing short shorts and flip flops. I somehow managed to get tangled in an evil vine. I stepped away from the area I was clipping to grab the rake so that I could rake away the fallen debris. The evil vine caught me and I tripped trying to get free. By the time I got away I had a sliced and bloody toe and a puncture wound in my calf that was bleeding as well! I now see why people wear pants and boots while doing yard work! That will be another lesson I will not learn because it is just too hot for pants and boots! Plus I need to be getting my tan on!

Cade was his usual Louis and Clark expeditionary self! He likes to explore and refuses to stay and play around me! So every two minutes I was dropping my tools to bring him back! It was tons of fun!

Oh and lets not forget the mosquitoes! They are one of the best things about living in the south! Mosquitoes bite you and leave behind red bumps that then itch! So we humans use bug spray! My OFF, didn't keep them off of me! I'm not sure why! I sprayed Cade down with it and they stayed off of him. Except I didn't put any on his face! I misted it over the top of his head, but normally I spray some into my hands and spread it over his face. I didn't think to do that this time. So of course the mosquitoes got him around his forehead and temples! But no where else!

Science and PE all rolled into one on yet another adventure in Jumanji land! Thank God the mosquitoes aren't big enough to kill us, because they were in Jumanji!

Lessons Learned in the Land of Jumanji

2009-06-03T19:30:00.000-07:00

Yard work has been a real challenge for me! Don't get me wrong, I have done yard work. But the amount and type of work that I now have to do is insane. Maybe not really insane, it was let go for a couple of summers, so now I am having to deal with the clean up process.

First let me explain about where I live. I live on the back end of six acres of land. My ex's grandmother bought this land a long time ago, over 20 years ago. The main house was built in 1903 and there was another house that the hired help lived in that was built around that time as well. The property used to include a lot more land because it used to be a peanut plantation, but pieces were split and sold at some point. With exception of the front of the property, the land is surrounded by trees from one side all the way around to the other. Behind my house there is a pond and the tree line is behind that. All I'm trying to say is, I don't live in some neighborhood where over grown means the yard has weeds in it and that's as bad as it gets. All together there are five homes on the property. With exception of the rental, the other three homes are occupied by my ex in-laws! LOL! I get along with all of them! Plus the house is in my name!

During my marriage I mowed the lawn, with a riding lawn mower. I don't exactly have a small yard, my yard is apart of the six acres. And it would take a riding lawn mower to keep six acres mowed! But it wasn't like I was a lazy ass on a riding lawn mower mowing down a 6x6 area of land! I even pulled some weeds. But for the most part, my ex took care of the yard work.

There is a piece of land that my ex's grandmother had fenced off for the animals she had. She had goats and geese. And of course the pond is included in that fenced in area. That fence runs behind my house and then to the right all the way to the property line. I am so bad judging distance, I'd say there is 18 feet, probably a little more than that, between the back of my house and the fence. It's a pretty good size area!

Last summer the yard behind my house was let go! I couldn't do it because I had a baby. Cade was under a year old and it just wasn't possible to get it done with him. I want to say it was even over grown from the summer before, mainly because my ex had a bunch of stuff going on and didn't keep up with it. I was pregnant and taking it easy. I had a difficult pregnancy, swelling really bad, so I had no business out there! As it was the baby was born at 33 weeks. So the prior two summers I was just unable to do anything with the back yard.

So lets fast forward two years, back to today! Looking at the yard was just overwhelming! It made me think of that book, Where the Wild Things Are! When we first moved into the house we planted a weeping willow tree. It seemed to struggle and struggle and I didn't think it was going to make it! Well after two years of no yard work, that tree flourished and finally grew! There were trees planted along the fence line that were just out of control. Weeds were every where! I am talking tall weeds! Honey suckle grew out of control every where, as did raspberry vines. I even noticed that the entire yard was covered in vines. They crisscrossed the yard in every which direction! The flower bed that my mom and sister helped me plant was a bed of weeds! It even had oak trees growing in it! It was just insane, an insane mess! And for someone used to managing an already kept yard, it was definitely a task!

I am by no means a diva! I can hang outside and get dirty! I love to fish and camp and just be outside. But at the same time I am a girl, I like to be pretty and keep my nails filed and pretty. I am by no means a Paris Hilton, but imagine for a moment throwing Paris Hilton out in a wild jungle and her having to clean it up! Well really she probably wouldn't do it, she'd just give up the first second she was pricked by one of those damn thorny vines! But here I was outside attempting to clean up the mess, acting like I was some pro landscaper!

The first thing I learned...ok maybe I didn't learn...was that you get blisters from using yard tools for a long time! And blisters hurt! And they really hurt when you take a shower! I want to say I have never in my life had a blister on my hands. But the first day in the yard, I walked away with a couple on both of my hands! I realized, oh yeah, that's why people wear gloves! But I still haven't learned my lesson because I have a brand new pair of gloves and I still haven't worn them! And I got another blister last night! But this one was no where near as bad and really didn't bother me!

I of course started with mowing the yard. I was hoping the mower would maybe chop up the vines that ran across yard. No such luck! And really the mowing I was doing was just to mow down the weeds and what grass there was. It used to be lush and green. But I soon realized that the grass was brown and had died because of all the vines! It looked like someone played a game of Jumanji and wild vines came out and attacked!

So I had mowed the yard and cleaned out the flower beds over the last couple of weeks, it's been a process! I have a 19 month old remember! LOL! Sunday evening and last evening I mowed the yard, cause you keep having to do it! LOL! I then started the task of trying to rake up the vines that were every where! Talk about back breaking work! Some of them came up easy but some of them didn't! There were vines growing up the fence and even some that had grown up into the weeping willow tree. These vines had actually pulled the branches to the ground, so that vines grew over top the limbs, trapping them between the ground and the vines! I had to go in and clip the vines out of the tree! In doing that I saw species of insects that I have never seen before! So it was like PE and Science all rolled into one! I worked for a few hours raking and pulling at the vines. I raked up lots of dead brown grass as well! I would say that I have about 3/4ths of the yard raked up.

By the time I stopped I was so black from dirt! I am going to say I have probably never been that dirty. Maybe at some point as a child, but never as an adult!

So let me tell you about the fun parts. Trying to keep Cade with me so that I could not only watch him but accomplish my task was nearly impossible. He kept following our puppy Brownie into the woods, when I say "our", she belongs to everyone who lives there! That's a whole other story! Cade was tromping around in the woods like Survivor Man! How he wasn't covered in ticks is beyond me! Every five minutes I was having to drop what I was doing to chase him down! At one point Brownie and Duke, my sister-in-law's dog were chasing each other. They chased each other around this huge magnolia tree and finally went under it to play. They were making tons of noise as they ran through all the crisp dried leaves that had fallen from the tree. Well a noise like that is too irresistible for any child! He was all up under the tree with the dogs, trying to climb like Tarzan! This tree covers a large area and has branches all the way to the ground. So keeping him out was nearly impossible! At one point I was yelling for Cade to come back to me when I realized that my nephew Patric was home. He came outside and I looked at him, I said "Patric, come play with him so I can do some of this yard work!" He could tell I was frustrated! I usually ask, I never just tell him to do it. So Patric played with Cade while I tried to accomplish something! I kept a check on them! I didn't want a repeat of the coffee cup massacre! But Patric is really good with Cade, very responsible for his age!

But through all of the work, the yard has actually taught me some things about myself. First, yard work is relaxing, who would have thought! It allows you to think. It doesn't talk back or judge you and it's there to catch your tears without complaint! It is also a lot of hard work which is good! It allows me to release some of my pent up aggression and has me so tired after that I sleep well! But even more than that I see how my own hard work is shaping something that was out of control into something that will be pleasant. There is enough of my own blood, sweat, and tears in that yard that I think we could maybe be related! LOL! My DNA runs through it! But it's taught me that I can do anything! As overwhelming as it may seem, if I take it one little piece at a time, it doesn't seem as bad. Instead of focusing on it as a whole piece, I focus on just a tiny piece, and before I know it not much is left! So it has really become a give and take, 50/50 relationship! I am manicuring and improving, it is teaching me about myself and life! I think any overwhelming task can be faced as long as I face it one tiny piece at a time, instead of the the whole damn thing at once! It's about taking things one step at a time!

I so wish I had taken before pictures! I am still not finished with the yard. With a 19 month old, it isn't exactly something that can be accomplished really fast! But already the difference is huge! It's something I can be proud of! I can stand back when it's all finished and say, I did that! I did it in spite of the thorns, the snakes, the blisters, the heat and in spite of how impossible it seemed for someone like me! And I did it all by myself!

The North Carolina Coffee Cup Massacre!

2009-06-01T20:18:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen something that just didn't make sense...and your eyes are seeing it and sending the message to your brain, but your brain is like, "hey stupid, what you are seeing isn't possible!" And your eyes are like, "ummm yeah it is, haven't you heard, 'seeing is believing'!" So while your eyes and your brain fight, you have neurons or something misfiring in your head...and you stand there all confused and looking around for something that makes sense? Yeah, me too! LOL!

I was mowing the lawn...unfortunately the grass just keeps growing and doesn't realize I have a 19 month old baby I must keep up with! But we were doing pretty good! I was mowing and he was playing right in the area I was in. I had a little kiddie pool set up, so he was in and out of that. I had just a little bit of water in it, since when mowing you are going back and forth and it is nearly impossible to have your eyes on a child at every second. But the area I was mowing was a small one, just the little part in front of my house. So I was never very far from him and I kept a constant check on him.

It was just before lunch and I had just finished mowing. I was putting back the chairs to my lawn furniture and a couple of other things that I had moved in order to mow. Again, if I had my back to Cade I was constantly checking behind me to make sure was he ok.

I had just slid a chair under the table and turned to get Cade and go into the house. So as I turn and start to walk towards him, I noticed he was walking towards me and staring down curiously at his hands. He was turning his hands and looking at something that I began to realize his hands were covered in. I then noticed that his legs, chest, and arms had this same substance all over them. Then my heart bounced in my chest as I realized that it was blood.

But the situation didn't make any sense, he was quite covered in blood, but he wasn't crying. There was blood every where and yet there was no worry, panic, or tears of any kind coming from Cade. He was just staring curiously at it, as if it were finger paint or something. My eyes darted around the yard looking for anything to help me make sense of the situation. Quite frankly if someone has that much blood on them, well they should be crying! That should just be a rule! Covered in blood...ok cry! I wondered to myself if I had perhaps hit the dog with the lawn mower and she was bleeding to death. But nothing was out of place and there were no signs of anything that could explain the scene before me. The whole thought process only took a matter of seconds and my brain was just not comprehending what was going on.

I hurried to him and began checking him to see just where the blood was coming from. He had so much of it I couldn't tell where it was coming from. As much as there was I just knew there had to be a gaping hole somewhere on his body. I stripped him down to his diaper and still had no idea where he could be bleeding from. So I rushed him into the house and into the bathroom. I put him in the tub and began rinsing him off in order to find the source of the bleed. He was standing in front of the faucet and had his right hand on the side of the bath tub. His hands were so bloody that the side of the tub was smeared with blood. I used a cup to rinse his body, so there was blood splashed about the tub. Had anyone walked in at that moment, they surely would have thought it a scene from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre! Never at any point did he cry, so I just couldn't figure out what he could have done. I never found the gaping wound that I was sure I would find.

I soon found the source of the bleed, it was his right thumb. He had a vertical slice on the ball of his thumb, not directly in the middle, but to the outside right. It wasn't more than a few centimeters long. Blood was coming from the slice quite fast, so I grabbed a towel and applied pressure to get it to stop, which took a few minutes. I couldn't believe so much blood had come from such a tiny wound! After the bleeding had stopped I tried to determine just how deep the incision was. I would have never taken him to the doctor for such a tiny cut, but because so much blood had come out, I kind of thought it must be deep. It wasn't gaping so I had to apply just a tiny bit of pressure on either side in order to open it. But when I did that blood would spurt out. I couldn't tell how deep it was, so I determined it was deep enough to see the doctor. I put a band-aid on him and then wrapped his thumb with medical tape in order to keep pressure on it. I also didn't want him taking the band-aid off and messing with it.

I called the doctor's office and explained the situation. They of course told me to bring him in right away because if he needed stitches that was something that needed to be done as soon as possible. I was sweaty and dirty from mowing, not to mention the smears of blood on my arms from carrying Cade inside. I wiped myself down with a wash cloth and changed clothes. Then I dressed Cade and left for the pediatrician. I have never ever left my house looking as I did. My hair was wet with sweat at the top of my forehead and the base of my neck. I appeared sweaty in general and my feet and legs were dirty. I wore flip flops while mowing, which I know is a no-no, so my feet were clearly dirty from being sprayed with the fine debris that came out from under the mower. While it wasn't a life threatening emergency, it was something I couldn't take time to shower and beautify myself for. So I looked like white trash from the sticks when I walked in. To top it off, Cade's Nike sandals were wet because he put them in the pool, so he was barefoot! We were a sight!

I checked in and was told to go sit in the chairs behind the reception office. That was good because I knew I was going to be seen pretty fast. I also wouldn't have to sit in the main waiting room with people staring at me and wondering why I came to a doctors appointment all dirty! So I sat down with Cade in my lap and for the first time actually started to relax a little. After a couple of minutes of just sitting there something really weird happened. I was suddenly over come with some serious emotion! I just had an overwhelming urge to cry my eyes out. It took everything I had to control my emotions and not break down and cry. And I couldn't understand why! I knew the cut wasn't so bad and I knew Cade was ok, it wasn't a life threatening injury. Looking back, I think I went into auto pilot when I saw Cade covered as he was with blood. I have never been in a situation where so much blood came from one person. So I think when I finally arrived at the doctors office my auto pilot shut off and my body took up where it left off. So I suppose crying would be a normal reaction if you saw your son covered in blood and didn't know where it was coming from or how bad it was!

It wasn't long before the nurse called me into a room and had me strip him down to a dry diaper. I had to take a minute and compose myself so that I wouldn't lose it when I had to explain the situation to her. She weighed him, took his temperature, and asked me a couple of questions. We were then sent back in the room to wait for the doctor. It took a little longer for the doctor to come in. She came in and of course asked what happened as she unwound the medical tape from his thumb. I explained what had happened and felt like the worst mother in the world since I really wasn't sure what he could have cut himself with. I truly was never more than a few feet from him and had a pretty constant eye on him. I just couldn't figure out how he could have cut himself and had enough time to smear blood all over his body because I was right there! But the blood was rushing from his thumb really fast!

The doctor determined it wasn't too bad, but it wasn't exactly something that could just be left to heal on it's own either! He is only one and the cut was on his thumb. The doctor went to get the PA who she told me does all of their stitching. The PA came in and determined that putting a stitch in his thumb would probably just rip him further because it was on the ball of his thumb. So she cleaned the wound really good and applied glue all around his thumb, being careful to keep it off the cut. She then applied butterfly strips to help keep it closed so it could heal. She then wrapped a little bit of gauze, the kind that sticks to itself, around his thumb. He sat there the entire time just watching her as she did it. She told me that any other kid his age would have five nurses holding them down so she could do it. She said, "he's very curious." I was thinking, I know..tell me about! That's why we are here! He is too curious for his own good!

She then wrapped his hand up so he couldn't remove anything she had just put on his thumb. He didn't like that part so much, but he still didn't have to be held down! She thought for sure he would have the gauze off in no time. But he actually adapted and moved on! He didn't allow his bound up hand to hinder him too much!

I had planned on removing the gauze on Monday. But he was very restless and had been messing with his hand in his sleep. So about 4:30 in the morning on Monday I cut the gauze off! I don't know why she thought he would be able to get the gauze off, I tried peeling it off and couldn't find an edge! So that's why it was cut off! I removed the gauze on his thumb as well as the butterfly strips because I knew he would take them off anyway! The cut on his thumb wasn't shut all the way. Actually it appeared as though it had closed but re-opened because of the moisture. His hand was sweaty when I took the bandage off. So I think all the gauze was hindering the healing process. He even had sores on the knuckle of thumb, the webbing between his thumb and hand, and the top of his wrist. I am assuming it was from his hands sweating all weekend.

We went back to sleep and by the time we woke up again his thumb had scabbed. It's hard to believe that there was so much to-do over such a tiny cut!

It was a clean cut, straight into the thumb! I later scoured the yard for signs of anything so sharp he could cut himself. I came across a coffee mug that belonged to my sister-in-law Tara, who lives right next door to me. The handle had been broken off and one of the edges pricked me as I picked it up. It didn't cut me open, but I could tell that it was sharp enough to! I found the coffee mug in the pool. So my best guess is that he picked up the mug and threw it into the pool. I can't imagine why it broke because it was a plastic pool on top of grass! But I think that he probably leaned over and tried to pick up the handle which then sliced his thumb. So we had to talk to Tara's boys about leaving cups outside that the baby could get a hold of and cut himself with.

Never a dull moment I tell ya!

The picture below is a good picture to give you an idea of just how close we were. I stopped the mower right there by the pool, which is where he was. I had planned on moving the pool and mowing the grass after I put everything back. The bush on the right is a rose bush which sits right next to Tara's house. I was on the other side of that bush putting something back, the side closest to the pool. Just to the left is where my house sits, which you can't see. So really we weren't so far apart and it didn't take me that long to put everything back. Not to mention I stopped the mower right by the pool which is where he was and I never saw him with a coffee mug or bleeding! Kids are fast!

Define Trim...

2009-05-26T21:07:00.000-07:00

Trim: To make a slight reduction in

Today we had an incident that had me just a bit upset! There are many arguments that could be presented and really it's not so bad...but it still comes down to what I, as his mother wanted and didn't want. I took Cade to get a haircut today, let me re-phrase that, to get a trim...I have slacked off on getting his hair cut recently and it was starting to grow into his eyes...well obviously at that point it is time to trim it up...but I had put off getting his hair trimmed because I was in talks, trying to find a photographer to take some "head shots" of him. When my hair dresser trims his hair, for a couple of weeks after, it just looks funny to me. But after it grows a bit, it looks good. Well I was planning to send these shots off to talent agents in Wilmington. I can't tell you how often strangers tell me that he belongs on tv...he gets tons of attention...and his hair is what makes him stand out from other children...It's his "it" factor, what makes him unique.

Well our normal hairdresser works at a Salon that is a higher end salon and requires more training than what a normal hair dresser comes out of beauty school with. So it is hard to get in to see her. I can't call one day and expect to get in any sooner than a week later. I didn't think about it until his hair was in his eyes, so it would have been another week or more before I could have got him in to see her. I needed a trim too, so I took him to the new Fantastic Sam's over by our new Wal-mart. It is only up the road from me and since I was only getting our hair trimmed, I didn't see anyway anyone could mess it up.

So we go in and there are no customers at all. I tell them that I want to get both of us trimmed. Well because he was sooooo good and sat in the chair all by himself with hardly any hassle, the other hair dresser decided that she would cut my hair while his hair was being cut. Of course I had that little voice in my head saying, "no, don't do it!" I really have no idea why I don't listen to that voice, usually it's always right, maybe one day I will learn. But I had told the girl cutting his hair that I just wanted it trimmed. In my little world a trim means take just a bit off the ends...I've had my hair cut by many, many different people in my life and a trim has always meant the same thing no matter who cut my hair. Kind of like the universal symbol for poison is a skull and crossbones, I think the word trim has a universal meaning as well.

We can argue both ways here, I should have never left him being that he was that young and there should be some kind of store policy most especially when dealing with children that young. But I was only a few seats down from him, there was no one else in the store...I was right next to him....and I only told her to trim it!
So I get some chick that acted like she has never cut hair before in her life! I had a stacked style that was shorter in the back, but came around and was longer in the front coming to a point. I decided that I wanted to grow it out and have been. So I washed my hair this morning when I had a shower. I didn't straighten my hair, instead I left it wavy because I knew they would only be re-wetting it while it was being cut. So she asked me if I wanted it washed and I said no I have already washed it. So I told her that I wanted to have layers put back in my hair and I wanted my swoop bangs cut back in and said that I didn't want the stacked style any longer, I wanted my hair to be the same length all the way around. Well she proceeds to cut my hair without wetting it and while it was wavy and had no idea how to do swoop bangs. I was getting frustrated because I just knew it wasn't going to be right!

Imagine my surprise when I look over and all of my baby Cade's hair was gone! Every last curl! Talk about shock and awe...that was some shock and awe! I was furious, but I paid and left and didn't know how to handle the situation. I mean on one hand, the hair was gone, there is nothing they can do to put it back...but on the other hand, I said trim!!!!Not cut all his hair off!

So I got home and was nearly in tears just because of Cade's hair...and I don't cry over hair because I know hair will grow, no big deal...but I started straightening my hair and realized after it was all straight that it looked like a two year old got a hold of a pair of scissors and took chunks out of my hair. Actually I looked like someone had turned me upside down and put me in a paper shredder! Which would make sense because you shouldn't cut someone with dry wavy hair when they style it straight! So of course my hair wasn't straight! That pretty much did me in, I started crying! My baby's curls were gone...my hair was all chopped...now what...

So I called the manager and went in to the other Fantastic Sam's across town. I showed her a picture I had of Cade on my phone, which clearly showed his curls and just how much hair he had. She told me she didn't see anything wrong with the cut, it was a little boys cut, that it was actually still a bit long even to her, and that to her that was a trim. I said no, that's not a trim! That's a whole new hairstyle from what he had. And she told me that for boys they cut their hair short...so she was making me feel as if I was keeping it too long, like he looked like a girl. He didn't look like a girl! He had long curly locks! I made the point of his hair being his thing, that I was going to have his pictures taken, and the whole talent thing...But my most important point was that he is my son. He is not even two yet. I was not ready for his curls to be gone...and because I was in such shock and speechless, it never even occurred to me to grab a lock of his curls...so how do you put a price on something like that, that most people consider priceless?

She fixed my hair, if you want to call it fixed...but I wasn't worried as much about my hair as I was about Cade's. I just really felt that a decision was made to cut his hair off and I wasn't the one who decided it. I wasn't ready for him to have really short hair. And the stupid manager, in trying to make a point, told me that the type of hair he had, in her opinion would no longer curl. So I suppose she was trying to point out that his curls would eventually not be there anyway. But all she did was point out that his curls weren't returning and I had missed my opportunity to get a lock of his curls...yeah thanks cause that just made me even madder...

But then I decided, who is she to say what a little boy's hair should look like? In her opinion it should be really short because she is probably married to a marine. And I can just hear Cade's two grandpa's now, lol! And I agree, little boys should have short hair...Kai has always had short hair! But the fact of the matter is, it is not for her to decided what little boys should look like. His hair should have never been chopped the way it was...and isn't the customer always right? Isn't that supposed to be the way that it works? I never once asked for my money back, but she said she would review the tape and if his hair was long she would refund my money. I said, I just showed you a picture. She said I believe you, but I have to investigate it. Well how about, two separate "hair dressers" jacked up both of us, and you should refund our money for that simple fact alone! Because what it comes down to is I asked for his hair to be trimmed, not cut!

And we could even argue about the whole talent agent thing. Who's to say one way or the other whether or not he would have found work because of his hair. Maybe he would have, maybe not. Maybe he still could. But we will never know because more than likely his hair won't grow back to what it was. So that very well could have been a college fund that was taken from him. I have read how they look for kids that are unique in some way. He is cute, he has big beautiful eyes, and he had hair that was curly and gorgeous. Granted it might not have stayed, but it could have stayed long enough for him to make a little money for the future.

But it really comes down to, I got something I didn't ask for and there is no way to fix it. So for the manager to totally not be sorry and not be kissing my butt is stupid on her part. Especially considering I happen to have a way with words when it comes to writing. And little does she know that I'll write the corporate office as well as the president of the company with pictures showing his hair before and after. And I will not only point out I asked for a trim, but I will point out that his baby curls are gone and may not return. That I was not able to get a lock of them because I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be thinking of that. That he was going to be photographed for talent agents. That his hair was one of the his features that stood him apart from other children. That potential income may no longer be a possibility since one of his greatest defining features was taken from him. Oh and I will of course mention the butchering they did on me. Because at this point, I am upset at the way the manager handled the situation. She wasn't sorry. And it wasn't like I was acting stupid. I never once argued with her or raised my voice or anything. I just simply showed her a before picture of him and said all I asked for was a trim. I knew they couldn't fix it cause you can't glue hair back on. But we both were butchered in that shop by two different people. Does that not sound like a problem to anyone else? Who cuts hair dry anyway?

Ok..that's my rant...but it just makes me mad that she was dictating what she felt little boys should look like...she wasn't seeing my point, that I only asked for a trim and his baby locks are gone...and I didn't get one for the baby book...That is something I can never get back...something was taken from me that can't be replaced, a lock of curls...and I did talk to my personal hair dresser after the whole situation...She did explain to me what the definition of a trim is, what every hairdresser learns...A trim is exactly what I thought it was, just a bit taken off the ends. So...lol...Fantastic Sam's is going down...LOL!

I did write corporate and it of course filtered down...all the way down to the manager I spoke with. She emailed me apologizing and told me I could have a full refund if I went to the store I originally had my hair cut at. I think I should let them keep the money, it's obvious they need it to spend on training!

More Monsters of the Yard...GOSH!

2009-05-24T19:14:00.000-07:00

This is not for the faint of heart! If you have a weak stomach...proceed no further! Perhaps I am just over reacting, but then again...no, because I feel sick to my stomach now!

Cade and I spent the entire day outside. Him playing in the pool and me tanning in my lawn chair. I finally laid him down for a nap a little before two. I went back outside and fell asleep on my lawn chair on my stomach...so now I have the oddest tan lines on my arm because my head was laying on it! But that's not the bad part!

Duke, my sister-in-law Tara's dog, stayed outside with us most of the day. Tara is out of town for a wedding in Virginia...So I am on dog sitting detail. After Cade woke up, I went inside and we both showered. I put a diaper on him and remembered Duke was still outside. So we both went outside so that I could let Duke in his house.

I let Duke in his house which is right next door to mine....not very far at all! I came walking back towards my house in just enough time to see Cade start to put his fingers in his mouth...but there was something dark, kinda a purplish color on his fingers. I grabbed his hand before his fingers could make their way into his mouth! Upon further inspection I noticed that this same substance was also on his face, splattered about in various places, his forehead and nose, as well as on his chest and his other hand. I was looking at him and wondering what he got a hold of. So thinking out loud, I said "a berry"...This of course made me nervous because there are berries on many trees around my house, we even have raspberries growing. So my first concern was what kind of berry it was, I know some are not for human consumption. So of course I start looking around the area where we were. One of my patio chairs was right next to him. I saw a large round something sitting on the chair. What ever it was had burst and I could see the same color inside this "berry". But it was an odd color on the outside, a grayish color, it was so large it looked like a big blueberry or perhaps a small grape.

My first thought was that it was perhaps decaying and that would explain the odd color. I was still holding Cade's arm by his wrist, so I picked up this berry thing and told him lets go and proceeded towards my door. I was heading inside to clean him up and throw the berry away. I looked down at the berry to figure out what it was and more importantly where it possibly could have come from. As I turned my hand to get a look around the berry, my stomach jumped into my throat!

Realization struck...I looked down at Cade and said, "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW....Cade....oh Cade....ewwwwwwwwwwww" as I hopped up and down. It wasn't berry juice spattered about...it was blood! That "berry" was no berry at all, it wasn't even a species of plant...it was the largest, most bloated tick I have ever seen in my life! I didn't even know they could get that large! I flinged my hand out in order to toss the little blood sucker away from me....it made me even more sick when it stuck to my thumb. My knees were coming up high one after the other, kinda like I was running in place, as I hopped around shaking my hand in order to GET IT OFF OF ME, saying ewwww the whole time! I call it the "hibby jibby" dance, the stationary version of course! I did the hibby jibby dance that day with the snake...but that wasn't the stationary version, that was the fight or flight version, of course in that case I chose flight! LOL!!!

As soon as the tick finally flung off, I grabbed Cade and went running inside! The whole way trying to control my stomach, as the thought of him picking up that tick and obviously squeezing it so hard that it burst ran through my head. My head was literally spinning! I washed him up with antibacterial soap, nearly in tears.

The funny thing is that, he found my reaction funny. So the whole way he was saying, "ewwwww" and laughing and trying to hop like me.

I went outside with a napkin to retrieve the little monster so that we didn't have a repeat of the little blood bath. I was thinking, maybe I saw it wrong, that couldn't have been a tick. That was way too big to be a tick...So I glanced at it again after picking it up with a napkin...Nope IT WAS A TICK ALRIGHT!

I am still disturbed! I have this thing with ticks. We live in a wooded area, so it's not uncommon to find them on the dogs. But I always have Tara remove them because my biggest fear is trying to take one off the dogs and having it burst....So that is why this disgusts me so very badly! Because one burst and Cade almost....I'm not even going to say it...

I just don't think my stomach can ever recover from this! I don't think I will ever eat again in my life! It reminded me of a story that my Mema and Papaw told me that involved my Dad (when he was little) and a frog...and two bricks...I don't know which is worse...

The things kids get into! I just don't see how in the world he could have found that stupid tick in the yard! Granted it was rather large, but that's almost like finding a needle in a haystack! So Gross! Being a single mom is great! I should probably just name my blog...Adventures of a Single Mom...Cause I would not have retrieved that tick if I didn't have to! I would have sent a man to do it! LOL! I am a girl, I am a wimp, and I have no problems admitting that!

Monsters of the Yard

2009-05-13T19:12:00.000-07:00

I just had the most traumatic event of my summer...SO FAR! Do you hear the "duhn duhn duhn" music of doom playing in the background? The summer has only just begun, I am sure this will happen again and I don't know if I can handle it again! I can only handle so much!

I was out working in the yard this evening, clearing out the flower bed that has been neglected and over grown. It's actually quite relaxing to do yard work, I would have never thought that, but it is...I mean once you get past the blisters and pulling tiny thorns out of your hands, from the thorny vines that you accidentally grab...yeah I should really wear those heavy duty garden gloves I bought and have sitting in my house...but that's another topic all together!

But to be out in the yard using tools, and giving your body a little work out, cause I'm feeling muscles that I have never felt before...and I am feeling them now cause they are sore! But to be working, especially on a perfect summer evening, the weather just right, the sweet smell of honeysuckle drifting about in the breeze...it is quite relaxing...and it's just you, your thoughts, the yard....and then of course the crazy 19 month old boy running around like a wild man...it is just so very calm...

But then, out of no where, this extremely relaxing event, turned into something of a nightmare! You see, I was working away, lost in my thoughts...my 12 year old nephew, Caleb, playing with the baby...well trying to show him how to use the tricycle that he keeps fighting with! There is this little Red Rider tricycle, one that used to belong to one of the other kids, it's red of course, with brown rust in various places, giving it's age away. Cade gets quite angry with this little tricycle and a fight between him and the tricycle breaks out...sometimes it's hard to tell who wins...Cade leaves scraped up and bruised and mad as hell...they don't speak to each other for a night or two...and then they're at it again! It's a never ending cycle! One of them should really break it off! The whole "it's you, not me," speech would work well! Or perhaps couples counseling...I just don't know...

Well today, in spite of trying to show him how to use it, Cade again became angry with this poor little tricycle...and a fight ensued! So I dropped my garden rake and walked over to the domestic dispute...I refereed and once I felt like the situation had diffused enough, I returned to my garden rake...that's when it happened!

Hold on I must compose myself...the very thought is causing me great distress!

Ok...I think I can continue with my frightening tale....

I had just picked up my garden rake and was about to continue my efforts, when to my left I saw the most disturbing image ever...it was a snake! A SNAKE! DUHN, DUHN, DUHN...That's right, a snake, I can only imagine the gasping sound now coming from your shocked and frightened body, what you must be thinking...I know you can't imagine it...the terror of it all! As soon as I saw this snake, slithering, it took me a second to process what was happening...I mean it was so utterly horrifying that I was in disbelief! I froze in terror while my brain tried to process what was taking place...And then I suddenly dropped the rake and turned, half hopping, half running in the opposite direction...Screams of terror were rushing out of mouth...how could this be happening to me...you always think such things will never happen to you...I cleared half a football field in a time that would put any olympic athlete to shame...jumping, running, and screaming the whole way...I would leap in the air and clear distances unimaginable. As my feet met the ground below me, I would run a few steps, covering record breaking lengths. And again I would leap, followed by running...my knees high with each step...a blood curdling scream escaping me uncontrollably...the memory is forever burned into my head!

When I was far enough away to feel safe, I turned to face the flower bed that only minutes before had been my peaceful oasis...How big was this snake you ask? Are you ready for this? You aren't going to believe it...six inches at best, definitely no where near a foot long...I know, I know...Can you believe I survived the encounter? It was terrifying...I think natural instinct is what kept me alive, my body defied gravity to get away...it was a miracle I escaped! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now when I reached my safe spot, I laughed out loud at myself, at the things my body just did in my efforts to get away from this monstrous creature...Caleb and Cade stared wildly at me, wondering I am sure if I had just lost my mind...What's wrong was all Caleb asked me...A snake, there was a snake over there, was my reply...I then asked him to go see if it was still there...he walked over to investigate, but the creature escaped! There is a snake on the loose in my yard, I don't know if I will ever be able to walk through it again!

Now let me mention that when I saw this snake, he was scurrying, and scurrying is really the only word that I can use to describe this snake! He was scurrying as fast as his limbless body would take him, a wiggling motion that seemed wild and a little out of control...but he was in a hurry to get away from where I was about to rake...

So I have to wonder who was more scared...me of this titan sized monster in a hurry to get away....or the poor tiny snake of me, a gigantic human with a not so snake friendly tool about to destroy the only place he has called home since he hatched...I think when I walked over to play mediator with Cade and the tricycle, he made his break and ran for his life...I just happened to walk back over and catch him in the act...

I don't know that I will ever find the same peace in yard work ever again! The rest of the evening I was very jumpy, hopping at the slightest touch of a leaf against my leg or foot...

Beware...they're back

My story...the how and why of becoming a truly single mom!

2009-04-29T09:44:00.000-07:00

At the ripe old age of 18 I gave birth to my first son, Kai. The day after my 27th birthday I unexpectedly gave birth to my second son, Cade. He wasn't actually due till November 27th. There are many reasons I finally decided to leave my husband of 11 years, but some of them had to do with things that happened after the birth of my second son.

We have been separated for well over a year and will be divorced by July of '09. I really didn't see being a single mom as a big deal. I always felt like a single mom with Kai because I did everything by myself. So it really didn't seem any different after my husband moved out.

My oldest son really started acting out a few months ago. He was doing things out of his character and he was very adamant about living with his dad. So in April of '09 I let him go. It was the toughest decision I have ever made in my life, but I made the decision so that perhaps things would become better for him in the long run. So my 11 year old son, who I had devoted my whole life to, moved over 10 hours away from me.

At first I was devastated and mourning his absence. Then I became aware of how my life had come to a sudden halt. I had spent years, (he was four when he started playing sports), running him all over town for soccer, baseball, lacrosse, birthday parties, and Boy Scouts. I had spent countless hours at practices and countless weekends at games. As he grew and started playing classic soccer the traveling increased. We were going two or more hours for games and sometimes spending the entire weekend in another state for tournaments. I became friends with the other parents and spent all those hours talking and socializing while he played and practiced.

I no longer had my social hour, as I called it, to talk and joke around with the other parents. I am a social butterfly! So imagine how it felt to realize that my life had come to a sudden halt and there was no one around anymore. The other parents had children and their own busy schedules, so I can't blame them for not keeping up with me after we disappeared from practices and games. But I had never felt lonelier in my life. Too much had happened all at once, too many changes, and humans don’t do well with that much change all at once. So of course I was feeling a bit depressed!

Then came another realization…oh gosh, I'm really - really a single mom! Challenges began presenting themselves that I had never even thought of! Its one thing to be a single mom, but it's another thing to be a single mom of a child that requires constant supervision! That's when the real fun begins! During Kai's younger years, I had a husband. While he wasn't always around, he was around enough that I never faced the challenges I do now. And even though my husband and I separate while Cade was still just a baby, well Kai was old enough that he could help. But then Kai left and it was just me and Cade.

Suddenly bringing in groceries was a serious task! I was faced with a dilemma, what do I do? Do I leave Cade strapped in the car while I unload the groceries, do I let him run around the yard, or do I leave him in the house...I didn't know! Anytime there were groceries before, I would grab a few bags and the baby and come inside. Kai would bring in the rest while I put them away.

So I have a new respect for the truly single mom! Yes being a single mom isn't easy. But if your kids are old enough to dress themselves and fix something to eat for themselves and can be left home alone...then it isn't as challenging as having a little one like Cade...or a special needs child, I have a friend whose son is about Kai's age but functions as a toddler.

So these blogs are my day to day struggles! Doing things for the first time that I have never ever had to do before. And for some reason, it always ends up like an I Love Lucy show, there seems to be mishaps all the time. But I see the humor in it. So these are my humorous mishaps! Do not take them for whining! I don’t whine and I will not whine about being a single mom! But I love to write and writing is what I have thrown myself into with all of my new found time.

I named my blog The Great White Adventures of a Single mom for a couple of reasons. First, I have always been fascinated by Great White Sharks! They are the only apex predator to not ever be tamed or kept in captivity for too long. I plan to one day dive with them...safely protected in a cage of course! I have to get my diving license first, but I am working on it. Second, there is not a lot known about Great Whites. They can't be kept in captivity for too long without dying and that's one of the main reasons for all the mystery.

I knew very little about being a single mom! I am learning as I go, as I face new challenges. So I view being a single mom as a mystery, as something that few people know little about, unless they have been there...but been there with a little one, not older children who can fend for themselves. Great Whites aren't a mystery to themselves, just to the rest of the world...I think the same goes for a single mom! You might think you know…but you have no idea!