I am so lost...I am the Lost Great White Single Mom...What am I going to do with my life? I'm thirty and single (by choice) and so confused...a co-worker pointed out that I seemed overwhelmed with the fact that I have no one to tell me what to do. In the past my future always involved another person and having that person tell me what to do. There has always been someone telling me what to do my entire life! Even now that I am single there is still a person here or there that tries to tell me what to do. I'm done being told what to do. I've got to figure out what makes me happy...So what makes me happy? I've essentially been separated/single for over two years now, able to make any decision I want to make. And I have no clue, even after two years, what makes me happy!
Of course my kids make me happy, they are both a couple of the funniest boys I know. There is never a dull moment with them! But I think I've always had a vision of where my life was headed. When I was married, it was me and Robby, and we were going to be here in Jacksonville our whole lives and we'd raise Kai and Cade and be here. Well now we aren't together and really I have the entire world at my fingertips, technically I could go anywhere in the world I wanted to go...but no vision of where my life is headed and I always have had a vision...
I don't know, I think maybe my life has gone through an enormous amount of change in a very short period of time. In the last two years I've had a baby, separated, let my son live with his dad (which was very hard), had him move back in with me, cut unhealthy family out of my life, not to mention a new job. A lot has happened, a lot of major things have went on. Most people don't deal with that much change in such a short amount of time...although two years seems like a lot of time...
And that's part of why I won't date...I've dated, it was bad. I think in part because I still don't know what makes me happy. I should be happy and comfortable with myself so that when I am confronted with an ass I can happily walk away with no convictions! And I've definitely gotten comfortable by myself! I just need to fill my time with more things that make me happy and I still haven't figured a lot of what that is.
but I have at least learned that...
I get ancy at movie theaters and find it hard to sit through a movie when I'm on a date with someone I don't know...although I will take my kids to see a movie and find that I most relaxed when I'm watching a movie with them at the theater.
SpongeBob SquarePants is funny!
I don't like to talk about other people and don't like when people talk about another person around me (those that knew me before probably wouldn't believe that)
Camping without an air mattress is just stupid!
Cable is a waste of money...All you need is an internet connection and a computer you can hook up to your tv.
Mowing the lawn IS fun!
And...
Kai loves me and he might gripe about chores and rules...but he likes having a routine, chores, and rules...he likes knowing that everyday I'm coming home at the same time and everyday I'm cooking dinner and every morning I'm waking him up...He likes that I am consistent!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Babe Ruth in the Making!
Early on Cade has had an exceptional liking to balls of all kinds! Kick balls, baseballs, soccer balls, softballs, golf balls, plastic balls, any ball! If it's round he is on it, like white on rice! I think he has a ball-dar! If there is a ball anywhere in his vicinity, I don't care if it's in the woods with a pile of leaves on top of it, he some how finds it! He's been that way since he could crawl! I think he has a little bit of ball DNA in him!
Back in Mayish I started playing softball. There have been times that I have had to bring him with me to the games. Well he saw that softball and fell in love with the sport! He began walking around with my glove, holding it with both hands, hoping that someone would throw him a ball! Then he started grabbing for the bats while we waited for the game before us to end. It just so happens that the Easter Bunny brought him a little green vinyl glove with velcro in it and a soft green baseball. The velcro is so that the ball stays in his glove when he catches it...in case you were wondering. When he began taking an interest in my glove, I showed him that he had one as well. Just a few weeks ago I searched Jacksonville for a plastic bat. I found an orange one on clearance for 2.50, the kind that come with wiffle balls. It was hard to find because summers about over and I think they had those out in the spring. He has a perfect little batters stance! He even hit the ball one time, hasn't since, but one day he will get lucky again!
He is so funny, when he sees someone hitting the ball, especially an adult who really knocks it, he says "oooooooooooo" or "whoa" or "oh yeah" or "oh man" or something! He is so funny! I almost couldn't bat at practice tonight because he was cracking me up so bad! Every time I hit the ball he had some kind of reaction!
Anyone want to guess what his favorite movie is? The Sandlot! I hadn't ever put it on for him because while it's a kids movie about kids, I figured he was too young for it. It's not a cartoon. I don't have many movies, Robby took most of them, he left some kids movies, a lot of them, but there are only a select few he will sit and watch. And those few he was getting bored with. So one night I saw it and went ahead and got it out for him. He was glued! He loved it! There was a chance that maybe because it was a new movie he hadn't seen that it kept his interest. I ruled that out when I put on the Sandlot 2 a few nights later! He wasn't interested in that movie, it doesn't have as much of the baseball playing in it as the first one does. In fact almost the entire movie has those kids playing baseball in it. So he really just loves the movie!
I felt so bad for him tonight. While I was at practice he of course had his little ball and glove and was wanting the other kids to throw the ball to him. I always bring his glove and his bat when we go out to the field so that he will leave the adult bats alone. Because some times he grabs other peoples bats, people I don't know, people who have either just finished playing and are just watching the next game, or people who are waiting to play. Well the poor kid is left handed! He is so left handed it's not funny! There is no doubt about it that he is a lefty! Well when the Easter Bunny bought the glove it never occurred to him that he would be left handed. And honestly I don't think they had a left handed glove in that style. The only choice you had to make was if it was for a boy or a girl based off the color of the glove. I don't recall seeing left and right handed gloves, I mean it was wal-mart! So he runs around with this right handed glove on his right hand and has the hardest time catching the ball. He probably could if he had the right glove for him!
I had my softball bag in the kitchen, I had a late game the other night, so when I got home I dropped it by the laundry room and forgot about it. The next day I was cleaning up around the house, I kept hearing banging coming from the kitchen, I finally went to see what it was. Cade had one of my cleats on, my catchers mask was around his neck, and he was holding my glove with both hands...walking around! It was so funny! I wish I had my camera! But I was trying to keep the clay off the kitchen floor I had just vacuumed!
And of course he bats right handed! He mimics, that's how he is so smart, he watches and then does it! Well I haven't been able to get him to change his stance to the other side, that's the way I bat, so he figures he should too!
Back in Mayish I started playing softball. There have been times that I have had to bring him with me to the games. Well he saw that softball and fell in love with the sport! He began walking around with my glove, holding it with both hands, hoping that someone would throw him a ball! Then he started grabbing for the bats while we waited for the game before us to end. It just so happens that the Easter Bunny brought him a little green vinyl glove with velcro in it and a soft green baseball. The velcro is so that the ball stays in his glove when he catches it...in case you were wondering. When he began taking an interest in my glove, I showed him that he had one as well. Just a few weeks ago I searched Jacksonville for a plastic bat. I found an orange one on clearance for 2.50, the kind that come with wiffle balls. It was hard to find because summers about over and I think they had those out in the spring. He has a perfect little batters stance! He even hit the ball one time, hasn't since, but one day he will get lucky again!
He is so funny, when he sees someone hitting the ball, especially an adult who really knocks it, he says "oooooooooooo" or "whoa" or "oh yeah" or "oh man" or something! He is so funny! I almost couldn't bat at practice tonight because he was cracking me up so bad! Every time I hit the ball he had some kind of reaction!
Anyone want to guess what his favorite movie is? The Sandlot! I hadn't ever put it on for him because while it's a kids movie about kids, I figured he was too young for it. It's not a cartoon. I don't have many movies, Robby took most of them, he left some kids movies, a lot of them, but there are only a select few he will sit and watch. And those few he was getting bored with. So one night I saw it and went ahead and got it out for him. He was glued! He loved it! There was a chance that maybe because it was a new movie he hadn't seen that it kept his interest. I ruled that out when I put on the Sandlot 2 a few nights later! He wasn't interested in that movie, it doesn't have as much of the baseball playing in it as the first one does. In fact almost the entire movie has those kids playing baseball in it. So he really just loves the movie!
I felt so bad for him tonight. While I was at practice he of course had his little ball and glove and was wanting the other kids to throw the ball to him. I always bring his glove and his bat when we go out to the field so that he will leave the adult bats alone. Because some times he grabs other peoples bats, people I don't know, people who have either just finished playing and are just watching the next game, or people who are waiting to play. Well the poor kid is left handed! He is so left handed it's not funny! There is no doubt about it that he is a lefty! Well when the Easter Bunny bought the glove it never occurred to him that he would be left handed. And honestly I don't think they had a left handed glove in that style. The only choice you had to make was if it was for a boy or a girl based off the color of the glove. I don't recall seeing left and right handed gloves, I mean it was wal-mart! So he runs around with this right handed glove on his right hand and has the hardest time catching the ball. He probably could if he had the right glove for him!
I had my softball bag in the kitchen, I had a late game the other night, so when I got home I dropped it by the laundry room and forgot about it. The next day I was cleaning up around the house, I kept hearing banging coming from the kitchen, I finally went to see what it was. Cade had one of my cleats on, my catchers mask was around his neck, and he was holding my glove with both hands...walking around! It was so funny! I wish I had my camera! But I was trying to keep the clay off the kitchen floor I had just vacuumed!
And of course he bats right handed! He mimics, that's how he is so smart, he watches and then does it! Well I haven't been able to get him to change his stance to the other side, that's the way I bat, so he figures he should too!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
No dogs, cats, or humans were harmed during the incident...
This would have me doing the hibby jibby dance...no the hibby jibby jig! My brother is an animal control officer, he cracks me up! This is the second time he's made the news! I will include both stories, although the very first time happened in 2006! My brothers name is David Williams by the way!
Here is the link to the news story showing the video, my brother is the one in the swimming trunks...
http://www.kswt.com/global/video/popup/pop_playerLaunch.asp?clipId1=3934091&at1=News&vt1=v&h1=Ten%2DFoot+Stray+Snake+Startles+Yuma+Family&d1=128100&redirUrl=www.kswt.com&activePane=info&LaunchPageAdTag=homepage&clipFormat=flv
Here is the newspaper story...
http://www.yumasun.com/news/snake-51316-hsoy-constrictor.html
Here is his other moment of fame...lol
http://www.yumasun.com/news/williams-22273-princess-park.html
I'm so proud of my brother the animal control officer!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Fireworks...
We went to Surf City to watch the fireworks on Friday night. Patti is the one who told me about it, so she went, as did my nephew Noah. This was Cade's first real Fourth of July, so it was important to me that he got to see fireworks! But Saturday I knew we were going to be at the beach all day, plus having a cookout with friends. And no one else wanted to brave Onslow Pines to see their fireworks because leaving after the show is a nightmare! Onslow Pines is located on a two lane road, so getting out takes forever!
I didn't realize how busy Surf City was going to be, it took forever to get on the island. But we managed to find a good parking spot and ventured out towards the festivities. Just over the bridge there is a park right by the water on the sound side. There is a playground and a board walk that wraps around a portion of the sound. It is really beautiful! They had the board walk decorated in red, white, and blue, so it was really festive! They have a stage out there as well and a band was playing music. We walked the board walk as we waited for the fireworks to start. There is a little dock that come off the board walk that was empty. I saw that as the perfect spot to sit and watch the fireworks!
We took our flip flops off and dangled our feet in the water. I should have brought the bug spray with me though! The mosquitoes were horrible! They were even biting my back through my shirt! Cade became a little squirmy as we waited for the show to start. There was no railing or anything to keep him on the dock, so he kept trying to lower himself into the water! That was great! I just knew before the night was over he was going to end up in the water! But I managed to some how keep him dry! Much to his dismay I might add! 
Here is a picture from the dock we were sitting at. Just across from us and to the right is where the playground and stage are located.
So The show finally started...and here are some pictures of that!
I didn't realize how busy Surf City was going to be, it took forever to get on the island. But we managed to find a good parking spot and ventured out towards the festivities. Just over the bridge there is a park right by the water on the sound side. There is a playground and a board walk that wraps around a portion of the sound. It is really beautiful! They had the board walk decorated in red, white, and blue, so it was really festive! They have a stage out there as well and a band was playing music. We walked the board walk as we waited for the fireworks to start. There is a little dock that come off the board walk that was empty. I saw that as the perfect spot to sit and watch the fireworks!
We took our flip flops off and dangled our feet in the water. I should have brought the bug spray with me though! The mosquitoes were horrible! They were even biting my back through my shirt! Cade became a little squirmy as we waited for the show to start. There was no railing or anything to keep him on the dock, so he kept trying to lower himself into the water! That was great! I just knew before the night was over he was going to end up in the water! But I managed to some how keep him dry! Much to his dismay I might add! 
Here is a picture from the dock we were sitting at. Just across from us and to the right is where the playground and stage are located.
So The show finally started...and here are some pictures of that!
Friday, July 3, 2009
My first show...whether I wanted it to be or not!
We ventured out to the beach today, like so many other people did! I went to the beach Tuesday and Thursday and there were not nearly as many people out those two days like there were today! The other two days I went, I wore my apron back tankini, it has an open back. Today however, I chose to wear my black and white tankini which has no straps, it's more of a tube top! I wanted to let the strap lines I had from my other bathing suit get some sun.
Cade is scared of the ocean, I think it could be the waves he's scared of, although I'm not 100% sure. It's funny he is scared of the ocean because he isn't scared of the pool or the bath tub. He will climb into a bath tub by himself, turn on the water and plug the tub! He also has no problems climbing into a pool, whether an adult is with him or not! I will say it does make going to the beach with him easy since he stays away from the water! The waves weren't very big today, it was definitely calm compared to yesterday. Since it was so calm, I decided to take Cade into the water, past where the waves were breaking. The beach we went to today had tons of shells in the water, right where the waves were breaking. It hurt trying to get past that part because there were so many, I guess my feet are tender. When a wave broke it would send shells crashing against my feet and shins and that didn't feel really good either. But once we made it past the breaking waves it was calm with just tiny waves coming in from the ocean. We were waist deep, although when a wave came in it would rise to about chest level. Cade was a little whiny, not liking the waves that came in, but the purpose of going out there was to help him over come his fear! We stayed out for a little while and then I ventured back to the shore with him.
I spent the next couple of hours tanning in my chair and watching Cade! While he doesn't venture towards the water, he will venture towards people, especially if they have food! He'll walk up and look at them and it never fails, they always give him whatever it is they are eating! I think he must have an, "I'm really cute, can I please have what you are eating," face that he puts on or something! I do try to keep him away from people! But he is a very busy little boy out there! And usually the people he walks up to are people he's already been walking up to because he is so curious and they go on and on about how cute he is! He really is a big hit at the beach! The other day this guy was throwing trash away and Cade was watching him as he did it. As the guy threw the trash into the bag Cade started clapping, which is what we do at home! The guy thought it was so funny! It was just a little later when he was eating and Cade walked over to investigate! He walked away with a Capri Sun! I probably don't have to worry about lugging a cooler out there any more! He could just pan handle off the beach goers! Actually they think he is so cute they just want to feed him!
Just before we were going to leave I decided to take Cade into the water again. Going out before did nothing to help his fear! He wouldn't even stand on the shore where the waves came in after they broke! This time I waited till really small waves came in to break, I had learned my lesson before with the shells! I started in and made it past the breaking waves. Just in front of me my two nephews, Caleb and Patric, were out on their boogie boards. As I headed to them I saw a bigger wave coming in, this wave began to crest a bit too early! It broke right where Cade and I were, sending me tumbling towards the shore with him. All I could think was, "don't let go, don't let go, don't let go!" I was afraid of losing Cade in the wave, I didn't want that to happen. I did my best to try to keep us somewhat above water as this wave had us tumbling about. Cade of course was screaming in between going in and out of the water. I managed to hang on to him and survive being thrown around in the ocean. The wave had broke early and had sent us back towards shore. I started to stand in order to try again, but as I did I realized that my bathing suit top had been pulled down in the chaos of being thrown about by the wave!
I immediately dropped back into the water and tried to fix my top! But unfortunately that wave had pushed us right to the very spot where all the waves were breaking! So as I was trying to fix my top a wave broke and sent us tumbling again! All I had to do was stand up because the water was very shallow, but if I stood up I would have been exposed to all the beach goers! My dignity was so great that it would not allow me to do that! Another wave came crashing down on us and then my bottoms were pulled down a little, so I definitely wasn't going to stand at that point! I had Cade with one arm and with the other I was try to scramble to fix myself before another wave broke! But the waves were coming in so fast that I could never quite get myself together before we were sent tumbling again. My adrenaline kicked in as I fought to keep us both above water, while trying to tug at my bathing suit, and keep the entire beach from seeing me naked! I began to panic just a little bit as Caleb happened to come in on the next wave that came crashing down on us. I yelled at him to had me his boogie board, he kind of just stared at me. I asked again for it and told him to take Cade. I'm sure he could sense the panic in my voice as I yelled at him. He took Cade who was at this point screaming from being bashed over and over by the never ending waves. I held the board in front of me as I again tried to fix myself before another wave broke. But the waves just kept coming in and breaking, knocking me and my bathing suit about. Tara had been standing on the shore just in front of me, totally unaware of what was taking place, because she was in the middle of texting someone on her cell phone. The crashing sounds of the waves were so loud that our screams could not be heard. I screamed at Tara to come help me. I don't know what she could have done, maybe stood in front of me so that I could have had something blocking me...I don't know. As she looked at me and took notice of the situation, she did as any true friend would have done, she busted out laughing at me! It was great!
Here I was with my bathing suit top pulled down and my bottoms not in place either! All I had was a boogie board that I was holding in front of me, which for some reason I kept trying to wrap around myself, but those boogie boards aren't very bendable! The waves just kept coming, I had but seconds in between each one to try and fight with my suit before the next wave knocked me over again! It began to seem like a hopeless situation! And my best friend in the whole world was up on shore laughing at me! Ok, I can't say that if the situations were reversed I wouldn't have been laughing at her!
Over and over again I was knocked around. I struggled against the waves pushing me forward and the receding force of the water as it tried to suck me back into the ocean. It was a struggle to maintain my position against an almost simultaneous pushing and pulling while at the same time trying to fix myself! Just as I would get one side of the suit in place another wave would come in and knock both me and suit around, my efforts were almost pointless!
I have no idea what happened, whether the hand of god came down from the heavens and stilled the water, or there was just a long pause before the next wave broke. But miraculously I managed to get the top and bottom of my bathing suit in place and stand! I could hear the angels singing hallelujah as I stood! I staggered in towards the shore, my body tired from the struggle. I did all I could do, I threw my arms up on either side of me and kinda leaned forward like I was taking a bow, with a big smile upon my face! I wasn't sure if anyone took notice of the show, but if someone had, I wanted to bow!
I walked back to my chair and collapsed into it, it was then that I realized that my bottoms were full of tiny shells! I could feel them poking me! As I sat there I began to feel the stinging of all the tiny cuts I had scattered about on my legs. As I looked my legs over I could see little amounts of blood escaping the cuts I had from the shells on the ocean floor!
Luckily I managed to escape that situation with out being butt naked on the beach...but I think it's safe to say that Cade will be terrified of the ocean for the rest of his life!
When we got home the first thing I did was shower! As I peeled my suit off the clattering of shells falling out could be heard! You should have seen my bathroom floor it was covered in tiny pieces of shell! At the very least I got a really good exfoliation courtesy of the ocean!
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