At the ripe old age of 18 I gave birth to my first son, Kai. The day after my 27th birthday I unexpectedly gave birth to my second son, Cade. He wasn't actually due till November 27th. There are many reasons I finally decided to leave my husband of 11 years, but some of them had to do with things that happened after the birth of my second son.
We have been separated for well over a year and will be divorced by July of '09. I really didn't see being a single mom as a big deal. I always felt like a single mom with Kai because I did everything by myself. So it really didn't seem any different after my husband moved out.
My oldest son really started acting out a few months ago. He was doing things out of his character and he was very adamant about living with his dad. So in April of '09 I let him go. It was the toughest decision I have ever made in my life, but I made the decision so that perhaps things would become better for him in the long run. So my 11 year old son, who I had devoted my whole life to, moved over 10 hours away from me.
At first I was devastated and mourning his absence. Then I became aware of how my life had come to a sudden halt. I had spent years, (he was four when he started playing sports), running him all over town for soccer, baseball, lacrosse, birthday parties, and Boy Scouts. I had spent countless hours at practices and countless weekends at games. As he grew and started playing classic soccer the traveling increased. We were going two or more hours for games and sometimes spending the entire weekend in another state for tournaments. I became friends with the other parents and spent all those hours talking and socializing while he played and practiced.
I no longer had my social hour, as I called it, to talk and joke around with the other parents. I am a social butterfly! So imagine how it felt to realize that my life had come to a sudden halt and there was no one around anymore. The other parents had children and their own busy schedules, so I can't blame them for not keeping up with me after we disappeared from practices and games. But I had never felt lonelier in my life. Too much had happened all at once, too many changes, and humans don’t do well with that much change all at once. So of course I was feeling a bit depressed!
Then came another realization…oh gosh, I'm really - really a single mom! Challenges began presenting themselves that I had never even thought of! Its one thing to be a single mom, but it's another thing to be a single mom of a child that requires constant supervision! That's when the real fun begins! During Kai's younger years, I had a husband. While he wasn't always around, he was around enough that I never faced the challenges I do now. And even though my husband and I separated while Cade was still just a baby, well Kai was old enough that he could help. But then Kai left and it was just me and Cade.
Suddenly bringing in groceries was a serious task! I was faced with a dilemma, what do I do? Do I leave Cade strapped in the car while I unload the groceries, do I let him run around the yard, or do I leave him in the house...I didn't know! Anytime there were groceries before, I would grab a few bags and the baby and come inside. Kai would bring in the rest while I put them away.
So I have a new respect for the truly single mom! Yes being a single mom isn't easy. But if your kids are old enough to dress themselves and fix something to eat for themselves and can be left home alone...then it isn't as challenging as having a little one like Cade...or a special needs child, I have a friend whose son is about Kai's age but functions as a toddler.
So these blogs are my day to day struggles! Doing things for the first time that I have never ever had to do before. And for some reason, it always ends up like an I Love Lucy show, there seems to be mishaps all the time. But I see the humor in it. So these are my humorous mishaps! Do not take them for whining! I don’t whine and I will not whine about being a single mom! But I love to write and writing is what I have thrown myself into with all of my new found time.
I named my blog The Great White Adventures of a Single mom for a couple of reasons. First, I have always been fascinated by Great White Sharks! They are the only apex predator to not ever be tamed or kept in captivity for too long. I plan to one day dive with them...safely protected in a cage of course! I have to get my diving license first, but I am working on it. Second, there is not a lot known about Great Whites. They can't be kept in captivity for too long without dying and that's one of the main reasons for all the mystery.
I knew very little about being a single mom! I am learning as I go, as I face new challenges. So I view being a single mom as a mystery, as something that few people know little about, unless they have been there...but been there with a little one, not older children who can fend for themselves. Great Whites aren't a mystery to themselves, just to the rest of the world...I think the same goes for a single mom! You might think you know…but you have no idea!
