"Your Life is an Occasion, Rise to it!" ~ Mr. Magorium
"We must face tomorrow, whatever it may hold, with determination, joy and bravery" ~ Mr. Magorium

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

How do Moms with no help do it?

I'm laying in bed watching Sex and the City 2. It's been a rather rough 24 hours that I would rather forget, due to a stomach virus, I'm finally starting to feel better so I put on a movie I've been meaning to watch.

Charlotte and Miranda sit down to have some cocktails and discuss how hard it is being a mom. They even admit truths that every mom thinks at one point or another but never admits. Charlotte starts talking about how her youngest always cries night and day and then this is said:

Charlotte: "How do the moms who have no help do it?"
Miranda: "I have no fucking idea."

Guess what, I have no idea how I'm doing it either! I really think people are very inconsiderate, especially people with no children! It's easy to make assumptions and form opinions about parenting when you have no children. Throw children into the picture and it's a whole new ball game. Even just 2 years ago I thought my perfect, respectful, most well behaved 10 year old would glide through puberty with no trouble. Then he turned 11 and the testosterone poured in from a never ending source. While he did eventually level out I'm still dealing with a bunch of attitude and defiance. What happens when your little boy grows up and at the age of 12 is bigger than his mom? Well I can tell you that no spanking in the world is going to help. And it really doesn't help that his dad tells him that he doesn't have to listen to me and tells him to just leave the house.

I struggle with what is right and what is wrong. I question everything I do as a parent, knowing that what I do now is shaping the person he will be as well as the parent he will one day be. I try to hold my standards high and make him work and do chores every day. Then there are those that want to say I'm too hard on him and tell me that he's just being a boy his age. Well what if I continue to let him just be a boy? He's already tried telling me what he is and isn't going to do at the age of 12. If I allow that then I will allow him to make the rules. And he is only going to get bigger and older and one day I will find that everything is out of control. I remember my mom telling me that she hoped I had one just like me. Well I didn't have a daughter...but to the people with no children who judge and try to tell me what I am doing wrong, I don't want to wish a horrible child on you, but God help you if you end up with one. I think it's safe to say that being a parent is by far the toughest job on the face of this earth.

I have certainly been a different parent with Cade than I was with Kai. I didn't make Kai do a single thing when he was little...and now I have a walking slob! I'm trying to correct that now, but I learned my lesson on that one! So I do make Cade pick up after himself. I raised Kai and learned what works and what doesn't work...or what are and aren't good ideas. So I get to do things differently with Cade...and if I ever have another then I think things will be even more different than they are now. We learn by doing and if you have never parented, while you think you may know a thing or two, you really have no clue!

If someone with a full time nanny can cry and talk about how tough parenting is...then me as a single mom is certainly allowed to cry...but you don't see me doing that! As hard as it is, you'll never see me crying in a corner!

My Dad gave me some advice right after Kai was born. He said everyone is going to have an opinion on how to raise your child. He told me to nod my head and smile and ignore it and do what I want to do. And that is what I have always done! I've mastered the art of nodding and smiling while putting a persons opinion, advice, and/or ignorance in the trash bin in my brain. Apparently people like you better when you have no opinions yourself and you just totally agree with theirs!

I have no fucking idea how I do it! I'm entering the adolescent territory and putting on a brave face and a strong show of force...but under it all I'm scared to death!

1 comment:

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